


The Savior

by inshadesofblue



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, I changed Enid’s character A LOT, M/M, Multi, Very Canon Divergent, carl grimes is an idiot but a sweetie, lots of uhhh gore but if you watch twd you’re used to it, maggie and glenn are absolute parent material, richonne is a thing, teen love in the apocalypse bitches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-03-05 06:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 36,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inshadesofblue/pseuds/inshadesofblue
Summary: You are Negan’s adopted daughter, taken in by him after the death of the parents that you barely remember. You are to one day become the leader of the Saviors. However, you’re not so sure that you want this in the first place. After the arrival of a prisoner girl who makes you rethink your decisions, you end up making choices you never thought you’d make, meeting people you never thought you’d meet, and finding love in unexpected places.Still, things aren’t as they seem, and you have a tough decision ahead of you. Do you want to leave who you were behind and run, or try to fix things but risk losing those you’ve come to love?





	1. Home

You sat in the Sanctuary, eyes wandering over the grim faces in the mess hall. Someone has gotten into trouble again, somebody is going to get hurt. There’s strict rules here, rules that nobody can break under any circumstances. You knew that well. You’d been with Negan as long as you could remember, him treating you like his daughter. You couldn’t remember your parents, nor the life that came before. All your memories came in little flashes, nothing tangible enough to hold on to. The Sanctuary is what you knew. The Saviors are what you knew. You lived your life under Negan’s rules.

It started as an average day. People wandered to and fro, completing their daily tasks. Dwight was in a bad mood, as per usual. Negan was nowhere to be found, but you figured he’s probably with one of his wives. You sighed at the thought. Him having multiple wives didn’t bother you, but the way he treated them sometimes did.

Just as you were thinking about him, he walked into the room, carrying Lucille, his trusty bat, behind him. He looked like he was in a particularly sour mood as he walked into the crowd of people. Several turned to look at him, and kneeled before his presence. You stood up, and walk to his side. 

“What’s happening?” You whispered to him, looking at all the kneeling people. He sighed and rubbed his stubble with a gloved hand, glaring at one of the men. You couldn’t really make him out.

“Somebody slept with one of my wives,” Negan called out, announcing this to everyone. His wives entered the room, standing in the corner. One of them (you couldn’t remember her name, you didn’t really try either) looked like she was about to cry. You felt a little bad for her. The crowd shuddered, and the man Negan was glaring at became more visible. He was shaking in fear. 

“P-please,” he cried, “Have mercy. D-don’t-“

“You think,” Negan interrupted, stepping forward. The man stepped forward too, and kneeled, tears falling from his eyes rapidly, like a waterfall. “You think you can sleep with one of my wives, talk shit about me behind my back, and get away without a scratch?” Negan chuckled and pointed the bat at the man’s face. “This!” He announced, waving Lucille around. “This is Nolan. And we are about to teach him a little lesson.”

Nolan cried out, screaming, before Lucille cut into his head. You tried to keep a straight face. One of the wives cried out to him, and fell to the floor, cradling herself as if trying to give herself a hug. Sherry reached down to her to give her a comforting pat on the shoulder as Negan slammed the bat into Nolan’s head again and again. 

As he did this, you tried to convince yourself the rules were for a reason. This was how you had to survive.

 

That night, you had dinner with Negan and his wives. You all sat at a long table, eating the meager meal the Saviors were able to scrounge up. You didn’t feel like eating. Every time you tried to take a bite, you remembered the way Nolan cried and screamed, the way one of the wives crumbled to the floor. You scanned the table, searching for her face. She wasn’t there.

“Where’s the one from today?” You asked, looking over to Negan. He shrugged. “She kept disobeying the rules. She’s working for points now.”

You saw Sherry shudder, and you tried not to follow her example. Pretend to be cool with it. That’s what you thought to yourself as you tried to eat the dinner in front of you.

“What do you think of that, sweetheart?” Negan asked you, his voice condescending. “Do you have an issue?”

You gave him your sweetest smile, trying not to show any emotion other than pleasure and content. “Of course not, Dad. You gave them both what they deserved.”

“Because?” He questioned you, taking a bite of his meal. You knew what he expected you to say.

“Because rules are rules, and we have to follow them. Because it keeps us alive.”

He smiles at you, and pats you on the shoulder. “Exactly. You know I’m just trying to keep you safe.”

“Thank you,” you said. That’s all you could say. That’s all you had to courage to say.

 

One of the things you remembered was the things your grade school teacher said about kindness. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Respect other people. Work together. You wondered if that was the reason you felt so unhappy.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, you were awoken by a tap tap tap at your door. You recognized the pattern, the way the taps were spaced out. It was Negan. You got out of bed and answered the door.

He stood there and smiled. “Good morning, sweetheart. How’d ya sleep?”

“Fine,” you said simply. Truth was, you hadn’t slept at all. You kept thinking about Nolan, how the walkers near the fence had probably eaten his body. You tried not to vomit.

“Why the sour mood?” He asked, leaving down a little to your level. “What’s going on?”

You tried to put on a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. “I’m fine, Dad. Honest.”

He shook his head and walked into your room. He pointed to the bed where you slept, and you sat down on it, obeying his orders. A moment of silence passed, before you were asked a question you didn’t want to answer. 

“Do you know why we have rules?”

“To keep us alive,” you said, quietly. A moment of silence passed.

“That’s right,” he said. He paced around the room, letting you dwell on that thought until he stood in front of you again. “And who gets to break the rules without being punished?”

“Nobody,” you said, even quieter. It came out as a squeak, so soft it was barely audible. “Nobody.” You tried to say it louder, but it hurt to say.

“That. That is damn right,” he said. “So why, pray tell, do I feel like you don’t understand that after all this time?”

“I do!” You found your voice and stood up in front of him. “I do understand. I just... Nolan didn’t seem like a bad person.”

You regretted the words as soon as you said them, but it was too late to take them back. Negan’s eyes narrowed. “Maybe not. But people who don’t follow the rules are dangerous. They are the ones who can get us all killed.”

“I don’t think he could’ve gotten us killed,” you said quietly, sitting back down. You wished you could disappear, go somewhere else. Anywhere else.

“Does it matter?” Negan said, raising his voice. “He broke the rules, he gets punished. If you keep this up, I’m going to have to punish you too, and you know I don’t want to do that.”

A single tear slipped down your face, and Negan softened up. He crouched down in front of you, and gently wiped the tear away with a calloused fingertip. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please forgive me.”

You nodded, and he pulled you in for a hug. You tried to ignore the scent of flesh that clung to his jacket. However, no matter how much you wanted to, you couldn’t ignore the truth. 

 

Later in the day, Dwight mumbled something about a prisoner. “Singing like some kind of basketcase. Fuckin’ stragglers.”

You pieced the story together from several accounts. Dwight and a few of the men had gone out to get food from the Kingdom, and on the way back one of the guys had been killed by a crazy little girl. They had brought her back to work for them, unless she said the words. If she didn’t declare herself one of Negan’s followers, she’d be forced to work outside with the walkers.

Prisoners were fairly rare nowadays, and you couldn’t help but be a bit curious as to what she looked like. How old was she, really? Your age? You hoped she’d say the words. It was lonely at the Sanctuary. Maybe you could make a friend, somebody who wasn’t a wife. You didn’t get your hopes up though. At least, you tried.

Dwight was in charge of watching her cell for a while so that she didn’t escape. You decided that would be the perfect opportunity to try to talk to her. You could just take Dwight’s spot and try to convince her.

You walked down the hallways of the Sanctuary, following the music Dwight always played for the prisoners. This time, it was different. You swore you heard yelling, somebody screaming the words. Or, something close to the words. The song started up again, and as you approached, you heard a voice yelling the lyrics.

“WE’RE ON EASY STREET. AND IT’S FUCKING SWEET. ‘CAUSE THE WORLD-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I’LL FEED YOU TO THE DAMN WALKERS!” You heard Dwight yell. Perfect opportunity.

You walked up to Dwight just as the prisoner yelled something along the lines of, “You wish, assface!” You cleared your throat and he looked up at you before letting out a groan.

“The hell do you want?” He asked, leaning against the wall. “I’m not in the mood for a chat.”

“I was hoping to take over your post,” you said, gesturing to the cell door. Dwight laughed, and sauntered forward, his messy blond hair falling in his eyes.

“Be my guest, just please find a way to shut her up. People are getting annoyed.” You didn’t have time to say anything before he walked down the hallway, leaving you alone. Instantly, you turned off the music.

You approached the door, and heard a fist pounding against it. “Let. Me. Out!” She yelled, pounding harder with each word. Your heart twisted, but you ignored the feeling. 

“Chill,” you said. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

“I’m not stupid, shithead,” she said back, pounding the door one more time. You heard her slump against the door, as you leaned against it on the other side.

“Well if you’re not stupid, you’ll listen to what I have to say,” you responded, trying to be nonchalant. She didn’t say anything in response. “So I take it you’re listening?”

“Yes. Go on.”

You smiled. Maybe this would work out for everybody after all. “Great. But first of all, introductions. I’m Y/N.”

She scoffed and shifted on the other side of the door. “Okay, shithead.”

“You gonna tell me your name?”

A pause. “Enid. My name is Enid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed Enid’s character a LOT. This also didn’t happen in the show, but it’s something I wanted to put in because of PLOT.


	3. Enid

“Enid. Nice to meet you.” You said. You heard a scoff on the other side of the door. 

“Wish I could say the same about you, shithead. The hell do you want, anyways?”

“I want to get you out of this,” you said. “I want to help.”

“Like hell you do. You’re one of them.”

“And you could be, too. All you have to do is say ‘I’m Negan.’ It’s a test that he does. Then you’re in.”

“Jesus!” You jumped away from the door as Enid pounded her fist into it. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“I think I get it more than you do. After all, I’m one of them.”

“How old were you when this started? When did you join?” Enid asked, her voice softening. You were a bit startled at this sudden change, but you thought maybe she was coming around.

“This started when I was ten. My parents got killed by walkers, and Negan found me and took me in.” You waited for a response, but didn’t hear anything. “You there?”

“Yes,” Enid responded quietly. “So they’ve brainwashed you.”

“I’m not brainwashed,” you said quickly, trying to dismiss her claim. “I chose to stay.”

“Why?”

“Because...” You found yourself at a loss for words. Why did you stay when deep down, you felt that the Saviors were wrong? “Because this is...” You thought of the words Negan had said to you a million times before. “This is the only way to survive.”

Enid was silent, but you could her her heavy breathing, the silence penetrated by gasps. You realized that she was crying. You weren’t entirely sure what to do. “They killed my parents. Dwight killed my parents. His men attacked us and my parents are dead.”

This was hard to take in. Dwight wouldn’t kill people needlessly, would he? Why would his men attack random strangers? “Why did they do it?”

Enid scoffed and you heard her sniffle. “They said something about supplies, tried to take our shit. And my parents...”

She didn’t have to finish her sentence, you already knew what she was going to say. “I’m sorry,” was the only response you could think of.

“No. You’re not. Go away.”

Without thinking, you did.

 

“How did Enid end up here?”

“So that’s the girl’s name! She refused to tell anybody,” Negan said to you, raising his eyebrows. “This is great news.”

“No. It’s not.” The sternness in your voice surprised even you, and Negan looked somewhat taken aback.

“Sweetheart, don’t you want another member of our group? This is a step in the right direction.”

As the two of you wandered the abandoned hotel looking for supplies, you felt more and more uneasy. Finally, you responded. “It isn’t. She said...”

“Don’t listen to what she says. She’s just a prisoner right now. Not one of us.”

“She said that Dwight’s men attacked her parents. For no good reason.”

This made Negan pause in his tracks. He turned around, slowly, almost cinematically. “What?” He asked, extra emphasis on the W. “The hell do you mean no good reason?” The angry tone of his voice made you tremble. He’d never hurt you, but you hated seeing him angry. “We need to survive! We need supplies!”

“We have supplies already, plenty,” you murmured, trying not to stir any more of his wrath.

“I’ve fucking told you enough times. You never have enough. You never have fucking plenty. That’s bullshit, Y/N.” He towered over your cowering form, and then stormed away, leaving you to get back to the Sanctuary on your own.

 

Back at the Sanctuary, you heard Nolan’s mother crying for him as she stitched up a torn shirt. You remembered the guts and blood on the floor, Negan’s laughter. You stormed back to Enid’s cell.

Nobody was guarding when you approached, and no music was playing. You called out timidly, just loud enough for her to hear. “Enid?”

“Leave.”

“I want to help. Actually help.”

“I will never be one of you.”

“I don’t want you to be.”

You heard her shuffling in her cell, heard the creak of the door as she leaned against it. “What?” She asked, barely above a whisper. 

“I- I’ll help you get out,” you said. The words fell out so quickly and easily it was hard to imagine that you were ever hesitant to say them. “I mean- I don’t know if I’ll come with you- but I’ll help you get out. I’ll give you some supplies and send you on your way. Promise.”

“You... could do that? For me? Why?” She sounded small, timid, scared. More than ever, you wanted to save her. You knew she’d never be a Savior.

“Because you don’t want this. You don’t deserve this. I don’t want to watch you work as a slave,” you said quietly. Every word felt like freedom, like sweet release. For so long you’d held all your doubts inside, but now they flowed so easily it seemed like magic.

“I- how do I trust you?”

“Well, it’s either trust me or work as a slave. Or join the Saviors, but you don’t seem keen on doing that.”

“You’re right. I’m not.” She was silent for a short moment, processing what you’d said. “Just... what’s the plan? What do you want in return?”

“Nothing,” you said quickly. You heard a laugh coming from the other side of the door. “I mean it!”

She laughed again. “Really? Damn, you’re not even a good liar.”

“Fine! You know what? I do want something. I want you to tell me what exactly happened between you and the Saviors. I want everything you know about them. I want to know what they did to you.”

“I... deal. It’s a deal. But I’m not telling you until we’re out of here.”

“Of course.” You paused for a moment, shivering with fear and excitement, a strange but welcome combination. You had to help her. Something about the hopelessness in her voice, the way she laughed. Bitterly, like she knew there wasn’t anything to truly laugh about anymore. “I’ll be back tonight.”

“How do I know it’s tonight? It’s pretty dark in here. I can’t tell what time it is.”

“Dwight will bring you dinner at about seven. I’ll be here at ten.”

“Damn. Okay. I’ll be here, obviously.”

You laughed, and you heard her chuckle on the other side of the door. “I’m sorry about this. But-“

“You want to play it safe. I get it. Thank you.” She said the first part bitterly and the last part warmly. You wished you could see what she looked like, but you were soon to find out. 

On your wrist, you wore a small watch, something you had scavenged. It wasn’t pretty, the glass face was broken, but it accurately told the time. You figured you could live without it for a while. You took it off of your wrist, and slid it under the door. You heard the scrape of the metal against the concrete floor as Enid picked it up. “Holy shit. Thank you. I thought I was going to go insane,” she said. I can read it in the dark. I don’t think I’m ever going to run out of things to thank you for. I mean, unless this is all a trick and you’re planning on killing me.”

“Definitely not doing that,” you said, chuckling. “I have to go. I’ll see you at ten.”

“See you at ten. Do you have an escape plan?”

“I do. I know this place like the back of my hand.”

“Alright then. See you at ten.”

 

You spent the rest of the day finding excuses to go to the armory and get guns. You snuck into the kitchen to load up on cans and preserves. Negan had given you a motorcycle the week before, and you made sure you had plenty of fuel to get Enid as far away as possible. The plan was to walk with the bike until you were far out enough that nobody would hear the engine. That way, you could get her far away without being heard.

When you felt everything was prepared, you went back to your room and waited. You organized your bookshelf, and studied your Walkman. You found it out scavenging one day, and since then, you’d collected a large variety of tapes to listen to. You were working on fixing a broken piece when Negan entered without giving you any notice.

“Sweetheart, I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this just gets more and more canon divergent, but it’s my fanfiction and I do what I want.


	4. The Escape

“What is it?” You asked timidly, setting your Walkman aside. He laughed, swinging Lucille from side to side. 

“You see, some prick tried to break in to our lovely establishment here. I need you to come with me, show him who’s boss.”

You tried not to shudder. You couldn’t imagine what he had in store for this man. Well, you just didn’t want to. You realized, after a moment, that you didn’t have any choice. You nodded firmly and got up, following him through the compound. As you walked, you passed a clock. Two hours until ten. Two hours until you helped Enid escape.

You made your way to the hallway of cells, and Negan opened one of the doors. There was a boy there, barely older than you. He was trembling, eyes wide, blood trickling from a cut in his lip. 

Negan wordlessly handed Lucille to you, and motioned to the boy. “Go on, Sweetheart. Tell him who’s boss.” He leaned down to your ear and mumbled, “make it hurt.”

The boy started crying. Tears fell from his eyes onto the concrete. You held the bat limply in your hand, staring down at the pathetic form in front of you. “Please,” he mumbled. “Please! Don’t! I-I was hungry. I didn’t mean any harm! I won’t come back.”

“Hmm, well maybe you shouldn’t have come here in the first place,” Negan taunted, pacing circles around the boy. He looked at you expectantly. “What are you waiting for? Give him a good hit! I wanna see his brains pour out of his goddamn head.”

You raised the bat, trying not to shiver. The boy screamed as Negan kicked him into the ground. “Do. It,” Negan said, looking at you. “I won’t ask you again.”

The boy was shaking, so hard that he could barely breathe. You dropped the bat. “I can’t.”

“Pick the thing up,” Negan said angrily. You didn’t move, just stood frozen in your place. “Do I need to repeat myself?” 

You still said nothing, too scared to move. What if he hurt you this time? But he didn’t. He simply walked over with a sigh, picked up the bat, and smashed the boy’s head in like it was nothing. You felt a tear drip down your face.

Negan turned to face you, and frowned at your crying. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-“

But you left. You knew now what you had to do.

 

After two hours sitting in your room in silence, you made a final addition to your supplies. Your Walkman, and your small but widely varied collection of tapes. This was it. You couldn’t stay anymore. Enid and the boy made you see that. You slung your backpack over your shoulder, and carried a sheath of arrows and a bow with you, one of your favorite weapons. It was time to go.

You crept down the hallway, which, sure enough, was empty. You crouched in front of Enid’s door, and picked the lock. She said nothing, but you could hear her anxious, shallow breathing. When the door creaked open, you saw her. She looked to be about the same age as you, with long, dirty brown hair and dirt caking her skin. She’d been out there for a long time. Her outfit was torn, her fingernails were caked with mud. Still, she looked young and hopeful, sitting there in the light.

“It’s time,” you whispered. “Just stay close behind and follow my lead.”

She nodded, and got up, her eyes wide. It was as if she hadn’t believed you, which you thought was perfectly understandable. “I’ll follow you,” she whispered back. You nodded in acknowledgement, and started your journey down the corridor. 

As you crept through the hallway, you heard voices about to turn the corner you were on. Quickly, you pulled Enid into a supply closet, and tried to be as quiet as possible. The voices went away, and then two of you continued your escape.

After traveling down several hallways, you finally made it to the doors leading outside. “This is it,” you whispered. “But they might have people guarding.”

“I’ll stay here while you check,” she whispered back. You quietly opened the door, and walked outside.

The cool nighttime air felt warm after being in the compound, always concrete and cold. The motorcycles sat there, ready to be used. You caught sight of yours, and scanned the yard for lights or people. Nobody at all. You opened the door, and whispered for Enid. She came outside with you.

“We’re going to walk a little ways,” you said. “Just until we’re out of earshot. Then we can bike.”

“Sounds good to me,” she replied. You saw her break out into a smile. “Holy shit,” she said, chuckling. “I can’t believe you actually helped. Part of me thought it was a trap.”

“Actually...” you grabbed your bike and started moving it along. Enid walked right beside you. “I was hoping you and I could stick together from here on out.”

He eyes widened as she looked at you in disbelief. “What? You’re leaving the Saviors?”

“Yeah, I-“

“There they are!” A voice yelled. “She’s helping the prisoner get away!”

“Shit!” You cried, jumping onto your bike. “Enid, get on!”

“Okay!” She got on behind you, gripping you for support. You heard a gunshot from behind you, and felt Enid grip you even tighter. As you started the engine, you heard the yell of then men behind you.

“Don’t shoot her! Negan will be pissed!”

Another bullet flew close to the bike, hitting the ground right beside you. Thankfully, your bike started moving. You hit the gas as hard as you could, speeding away from the compound.

“What’s the plan?” Enid yelled over the engine.

“Get as far away as we can, then head into the forest. Drag the bike with us.”

The two of you sped into the night, going as fast as you could. A few times you took a turn too sharp, forcing both you and Enid to lean to the other side of the bike. You knew that was better than slowing down.

After a while, you finally stopped the bike outside of a dense wooded area. You beckoned for Enid to get off, and the two of you dragged the bike into the trees and covered it with dirt and leaves, not making any noise that wasn’t necessary.

Finally, the two of you settled down. Just as you sat to divide supplies, a car drove by on the nearby road. Nobody came into the woods. You barely breathed until the car was far away enough that you couldn’t hear it anymore.

“So uh... you’re not going back?” Enid said, sitting on a log. You could barely see her through the darkness. The two of you had found a little grove to stay in, far away enough from the road that the Saviors wouldn’t see anything from their cars, or even wandering a little ways in. 

“No. I’m not.”

A beat. “You want to talk about it?” 

“Negan took me in not long after this shit started. He... he was a good person, once. My dad. He took care of me, taught me how to survive.”

“So the Saviors weren’t always bad?”

“No, the original Saviors weren’t. More people died off, worse people joined. Negan became twisted... today...” you faltered, and shook your head. 

“Thank you, for telling me all that. I’m sorry, that that happened to you, I mean.” Enid said. She walked over and took a seat beside you, and you smiled at her in the dark.

“It’s okay. Life can be better now. We can find a place, settle down. Maybe even find a group...”

“I know a place,” Enid said. “At least, I might... they have walls. Big, metal ones.”

This got your attention. “Do you know people there?”

She shook her head. “I’ve been watching them, though. I heard laughter. Kids.”

That definitely got your attention. “Kids? Really?”

“Yeah. That makes me think...”

“Well then let’s go,” you said, without hesitation. You figured that you might as well take the risk. What was the point of surviving if you and Enid would be the only survivors? You knew that the two of you couldn’t survive on your own forever.

“Really? What if they’re dangerous?”

You shrugged, and wrapped your jacket closer around yourself with a shiver. “What do we have to lose?”

Enid considered this for a moment before letting out a sigh. “You’re right. I can take you there tomorrow. It shouldn’t be too far.”

And with that, you had a plan. To the walled city it was. You settled down for sleep, Enid took the first watch. As you fell asleep, you hoped that tomorrow would be better. You hoped that you and Enid would be safe. You missed having a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On your way to Alexandria! Finally! The story will definitely pick up a little from there.


	5. Alexandria

The next day, you and Enid had some oatmeal that you’d brought, along with berries that Enid had found and identified as being edible. They were sour, but nutritious, and the oatmeal made them bearable. After the small breakfast, the two of you started walking.

You stayed in the forest, too scared still to go on the road. The car had driven back towards the Sanctuary just as you’d been waking up, but you were still paranoid. You decided to leave the bike behind, although the walled city was still a ways away. It would take a couple of days.

As you walked along, a couple walkers stumbled across your path. It was only three, so you picked off one with your bow. Enid stabbed the one of the others, but the final one grabbed her from behind. She cried out for help, and you shot that one in the head. It slumped down onto the forest floor.

“Thanks,” Enid said, breathing heavily. 

You shrugged. “It’s fine. Looks like someone needs to learn how to better take out walkers, though.”

Enid laughed, and retrieved your arrows for you. “I’ll try at whatever you teach me. I owe you at least that.”

“You don’t owe me anything! We’re in this together now,” you said, smiling at her. You took the arrows from her and slipped them into your arrow sheath. 

Enid returned your smile, although you could see the sadness in her eyes, the losses she had faced. Hesitantly, she stepped forward, and held out her arms.

You accepted the hug. It had been a long time since you’d felt safe like you did with Enid. That was when you knew that you and Enid would be friends for a long time. That was also when you knew without a single doubt that you didn’t belong with the Saviors. Not only that, but you never had.

 

A week went by. Enid told you everything about her life, from the things she remembered from before the dead, to the death of her parents. She cried recounting that story, and you simply hugged her and wiped away her tears. Already, she was like a sister.

You told her everything about your life in the Saviors. You explained everything about Negan that you knew, everything the Saviors used to be and everything that they had become. You recounted the story of being told to kill the boy in the cell, the story of seeing heads crushed by Negan’s bat. You didn’t cry while telling the stories, although it was always hard not to.

Finally, the two of you came to the walled city. There was a large gate in front, a gate that was shut entirely closed. You glanced over at Enid, trying not to be afraid. Surely nothing could beat the hell that you’d endured.

As you got closer, you heard what Enid had described. There really were children laughing within the walls. Two women could be heard talking about the best way to bake bread. You couldn’t even process it. Enid couldn’t either.

You stood in front of the gate for a moment, before it opened. A man stood there, with curly blond hair and blue eyes. He wore a welcoming smile. You saw a child running and playing behind him, along with a boy who looked your age. He looked at you in wonder, but stared at Enid even longer. A smile formed on your lips, as you trembled with excitement.

This was paradise. This was beyond anything you could’ve ever dreamed of. It was beautiful. It was perfect. The man stood in front of you, arms outstretched. “Welcome to Alexandria! And you might you be?”

“I-I’m Y/N,” you stammered, still in disbelief. “And this is Enid.” You motioned to your companion and the man nodded in understanding.

“It’s good to meet you both. I’m Aaron. It’s good to see you potential new members of our community.”

You and Enid exchanged worried looks at the word “potential,” although Aaron didn’t seem at all concerned. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Our leader, Deanna, just needs to do a quick interview with you guys.” He glanced over your figure, looking for any guns. When he saw the pistol you carried and the shotgun on your back, he pointed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, but we need to take those too. You can keep your knives and your bow, though.”

You eyed him warily, before slowly handing him your pistol. Enid did the same with hers. He seemed satisfied for the time being. “Thank you, it’s a precaution we have to take.”

“Of course,” you said. Internally, though, you were questioning how credible Aaron was. What if this was, in fact, a trap? But then, why would he let you keep any weapons at all? “Here’s my shotgun. We have an assault rifle in my bag,” you said, handing over your shotgun. 

“Thanks,” Aaron said, taking your gun. “Would you mind leaving your stuff by the gate? We can come get it once the interview is over.”

You looked over at Enid, who shrugged. “Sure,” you said. You took your bow and sheath of arrows and set them against the wall as Aaron closed the gate and latched it shut. You removed your backpack also, leaving it against the wall. You were nervous without your weapons, but if things went to shit, at least you had a knife on you.

“So who’s Deanna?” Enid asked, as Aaron led them down the streets. You couldn’t stop gazing in wonder at the beautiful houses and perfectly manicured lawns. What even was this place? You couldn’t imagine living in a place like this. You hadn’t even lived somewhere this nice before everything went down.

“She’s our leader. Her husband built these walls. She’s a smart woman, and she always meets the new arrivals.” 

“What will the interview include?” You asked, following him down another small street. 

He shrugged. “Just basic stuff. What skills you know, how you can contribute. Where you come from.”

You shuddered at the thought of answering the last one. If you were honest, would she make you leave? You wouldn’t be surprised. You’d never heard of Alexandria, so clearly the Saviors hadn’t touched them, but still. If they recognized the name, you could end up on your own. However, you tried to push these thoughts to the back of your mind.

You two of you followed him to a big house with large windows and flowers planted in front. Aaron opened the door, and the two of you entered.

There sat a woman who looked to be about fifty. She was dressed like a businesswoman, and she sat up straight in her chair, with a firm smile on her face. “Sam ran over here, telling me that he saw strangers at the gate. He said they were new people.” She motioned to her coffee table, which held some crackers and two cups of water. “Come in, and feel free to eat and drink. Thank you Aaron, for bringing them here.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Aaron said with a smile. He motioned for you and Enid to enter the house, and you did. The door was shut behind you.

You and Enid hesitantly sat on the couch, eyeing the water and crackers warily. A camera sat behind Deanna’s chair. You saw her turn it on. “Do you mind if I record this?”

“What the hell for?” Enid asked, menacingly. Deanna looked a bit taken aback, but kept her smile on her face.

“Just for documentation.” You and Enid exchanges worried looks. “I’ll interview you first,” she said, pointing at you. You shook your head.

“We stay together.”

Deanna nodded. “I understand. Well then, what are your names?”

“I’m Y/N. And this is Enid,” you said, beckoning to Enid, who gave an awkward wave. Deanna smiled warmly as you willingly gave your names.

“How did you find this place?” She asked. 

“I found it. I was scavenging one day with my parents. We were too afraid to go in. But I’ve been watching to see if it was safe.”

“Where are your parents now?”

Enid cringed at the question, so you decided to take over. “They’re dead. They were killed by another group. I... I was a part of that group.”

Deanna raised her eyebrows at this, her smile vanishing. “Why did you come here? What-“

“I was a part of that group. They’re called the Saviors. The leader took me in at the beginning of all this, when my parents were killed. I left when they captured Enid.”

“She helped me escape. I promise she’s not any harm. She risked her life to help me,” Enid protested. You were thankful for her words, and you prayed that Deanna would accept them.

Deanna seemed to consider for a moment, but then spoke up. “What can you contribute to this community?”

Enid shrugged. “I’m not the best fighter, but I know how to scavenge. I can cook pretty well. I pick things up really quickly. I know a lot about plants, which ones are edible, which ones can be used for medicine. Stuff like that.”

Deanna seemed very satisfied by this answer. She nodded approvingly, and looked to you. “All good skills. What can you bring to the table, Y/N?”

“I’m a good fighter. I can hunt. I’m good with a bow. I know some basic first aid, how to do stitches and stuff. I can cook.” Those were all skills that you’d learned from the Saviors, mostly the original ones that were all dead and gone now, the ones that were genuinely good people.

Deanna seemed to like that, too. “Those are all very useful skills. I have to say, I’m rather impressed. Now... how old are you both?”

You shrugged. “Hard to keep track. I was ten when this thing started.” 

“Same as me,” Enid said. 

“Well then the two of you can stay with Olivia. She manages the pantry around here. She has a spare room with two beds in it. If you don’t mind sharing.”

You couldn’t even imagine having an extra room anywhere, much less extra houses. You shook your head. “I don’t mind.”

“Then it’s settled,” Deanna said with a smile. She stood up and you and Enid did the same. She shook hands with both of you, and with that, you began your new life in Alexandria. 

A month later, things started to change when another group came to town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this story (to make it clear) the Saviors used to be genuinely good people. Over time, the good people died off. Negan grew more and more bitter, and that’s how the Saviors became what we know them as, and what we see in the show. Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think!


	6. Arrivals

You were out in the woods when the new group came to town. You’d spent a lot of your time outside the walls, feeling uncomfortable amongst the perfect houses and kind faces. Enid had spent most of her time with Ron, although the two of you occasionally snuck outside. Olivia was nice, if not a bit naive. Despite the pleasantness of life in Alexandria, you felt too much like an outsider to fully enjoy it. 

You had been trying to learn how to track to little avail. With your bow on your shoulder, you crept through the woods. Seeing a rabbit, you shot it before it could hop away. A successful kill. Not much, but it’d be a nice dinner.

In the distance, you heard the gate opening. Odd. They’d let you outside the gates to hunt, but nobody else was planning on leaving that day. Your heartbeat sped up. What is someone was in trouble? 

You decided to rush back. You carried the rabbit with you, but this time, decided to climb over the wall. You kept your hand near your pistol in case of an attack. When you entered the wall, however, it was clear that you wouldn’t need it.

A group was walking in, looking tired and worn. Aaron was leading them into the town, and trailing behind him was a man. You couldn’t see much from where you were, but he looked sad, like he’d seen a lot. He’d lost a lot. You could tell. 

Although you were curious, you decided to continue your hunt. Clearly, there wasn’t any sort of emergency, and you figured that with the big group’s arrival, you would need some more food. And so you went on into the woods, until dark.

After bringing your food to Olivia, you decided to go for a nighttime walk. You saw the lights in one of the previously abandoned houses on, so you figured that’s where the group was staying. You summoned your courage, and approached the door, giving it a light knock.

The man who answered was the one you had seen earlier trailing behind Aaron. He had a threatening look about him, reminding you of some of the Saviors. When he had to moment to look you over, however, he softened. He looked welcoming, in a strange sort of way.

“Hello, I’m Y/N. I just wanted to say hi. I know you guys are new,” you said, trying to sound warm and welcoming. That wasn’t something you usually did well, but the man seemed pleased.

“I’m Rick. You can uh... come on in.”

“Thank you,” you said. You entered the house, and Rick led you down the hallway to the living room. Everyone in the group seemed to be there. 

“Everyone, this is Y/N. She just came to say hello.”

One by one, you were introduced to everyone in the group. There was Abraham and Daryl, who both greeted you with quick and gruff hellos. Maggie and Glenn smiled at you, but they seemed on edge. Michonne seemed hesitant to say anything, but she said hello, also. There was Eugene and Rosita and also Tara, who gave you a fistbump. 

Finally, Rick brought you over to meet a boy in a sheriff’s hat, holding a baby in his arms. “This is my son, Carl. I think you two are about the same age.”

“Hey, Carl. I’m Y/N,” you said, giving him a smile. He didn’t smile back. He only looked wary and sad. Something was weighing on him, you could tell.

“Nice to meet you,” he said, almost monotone. “This is my baby sister, Judith.”

Rick seemed to forget you were there, as he wandered over to talk to... Michonne? It was hard to remember all of the names. “Well it’s lovely to meet her,” you said, smiling down at Judith. She smiled back up at you and giggled. You didn’t like kids much, but it had been a long time you’d seen a little smile so genuine. It’d been a long time you’d seen a kid at all.

“How old are you?” You asked Carl. He looked down, then back up at you.

“Sixteen. You?”

“The same? Probably. Hard to keep track of time, these days.” He just nodded. You could feel the awkwardness in the air between you two. You needed to say something. “I- I haven’t been here long. It’s still weird. I just... I get it.”

Although you tripped over your words, you made Carl smile, only a little. You still accepted it as a victory. “I’m glad somebody does. It seems most people here have been behind these walls a long time.”

“Most of them have been here the whole time. They just don’t know what it’s like out there.” Your words seemed to comfort him. 

“You’re right,” he said, bouncing Judith up and down gently. “They don’t.” He looked at you with warm blue eyes, eyes that you had to try desperately not to fall into. “That’s one thing we have in common, we know what it’s like. Maybe... you could show me around? Tomorrow?”

You smiled at the suggestion and nodded eagerly. “I’d love to.” Considering Enid spent a lot of time with Ron, you hadn’t seen her much recently. You figured it would be nice to have someone else around who was your age.

“Cool,” he said, smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. We should all be getting to bed, probably.”

You nodded in agreement. “You guys have had a long day. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And with that, you walked away. A few people turned and said goodnight as you walked out, including Glenn and Maggie, who were leaning against each other, holding hands. Maggie smiled at you warmly as you walked out of the house. You smiled right back at her.

You walked over to your house and went into your room, where Enid was sitting and reading a comic book. You flopped onto your bed, exhausted from the day’s work. She out down her comic book, and leaned back against her headboard, looking over at you. “Where were you all day? I haven’t seen you since breakfast.”

“Out. Hunting,” you replied. You turned your head to face her. “I also met the new group that just came into town. They all seem pretty nice. Have you met Carl yet?”

“I did. He came over to Ron’s house. I was there. He seems... on edge.”

“Well, that makes three of us,” you said. You began to change your clothes into pajamas. Enid looked away. You two had become like sisters. Neither of you really minded.

“I just hope that maybe we can start to see changes around here,” Enid said as you sat back down on your bed. The soft light of Enid’s bedside lamp cast shadows around the room. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to the softness of it all. You were used to electricity, even running water, as those were both things that the Sanctuary had. However, the softness and warmth of Alexandria was new to you.

“We definitely need changes. The people here... just aren’t cautious enough. We’ve even warned them about the Saviors, and Deanna just isn’t concerned.” You said, settling down underneath the covers. Enid dimmed her light and got under her covers. It almost made you want to cry, how comfortable this place was, how loved you felt. Enid was your sister, your family. It also made you sad, remembering how kind Negan used to be, and how terrible he became.

“Yeah,” Enid murmured. “But I don’t think they’ll find us.” She snuggled deeper into the covers, and you knew she was trying to sleep. You reached over and turned off her lamp, before drifting into sleep.

 

As you slept, you had a dream. It was nighttime, and were alone in the forest. As you wandered, you heard whistling. You ran. The ground beneath your feet was moving. The trees were waving in the wind, barely heard over the whistles and the growls of walkers. Finally, something knocked you off your feet. You looked up and there was Negan, holding Lucille inches from your face. He wore a smile, and you shuddered.

“Hello there, sweetheart.”

And with those words, you woke up in a cold sweat. Light streamed in through your window. Enid snored lightly in the bed next to yours. With a sigh, you got out of bed. You slipped into some jeans, your boots, and a t-shirt. You’d just gone hunting, so you decided you’d stay inside the walls. Besides, you needed to give Carl that tour.

You headed down the hall and into the kitchen, where Olivia was nowhere to be seen. You figured she was probably having breakfast with the neighbors. You decided to just grab a granola bar and head out. 

You ate your breakfast as you walked over the Rick’s place. You waved to Aaron, who was strolling along the pathway, and breathed in the cool, morning air. The sun was barely up, the sky was a cool shade of grey. It was warm enough to not need a jacket. 

You knocked on the door, and were greeted by Carl himself. He was wearing his funny sheriff’s hat, and he greeted you with a small awkward wave. “Morning, Y/N.” He said simply. 

“Morning, Carl. Ready for that tour?”

He looked around, and nodded. “Yeah, yeah that’d be great.”

And so it began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyy you’ve met Carl! How does this go from here?


	7. Trouble

You led Carl through Alexandria, winding between the houses. He couldn’t stop staring at the yards, the perfectly trimmed bushes, the people walking and smiling. You understood perfectly. You remembered how awkward you felt when you first arrived, and you had some empathy towards him. They’d probably been wandering for a while. 

“So, how did you get here?” You asked. You couldn’t help but be curious.

“Aaron found us. He offered.” That’s all that he said. Damn, he was really rattled. 

“You okay?” You asked, stopping in your tracks. “I mean, I know it’s a lot. Trust me. This was... a very big change from where I came from.”

This got his attention. He looked at you, his brows furrowed. “Where did you come from?”

You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out. How could you even begin to explain the place you came from? How could you explain all the death you had seen? How could you explain the man that you used to consider a father?

“I- somewhere very different. From here. I had a group. They were...” You trailed off, not wanting to finish your sentence.

“Not the best of people,” Carl said, finishing your sentence.

“Yeah. Not the best of people.”

The two of you continued your comfortable silence as you walked through Alexandria. You showed him the pantry, introduced him to Olivia, and finally...

“This is a spot in the fence that’s pretty easy to climb.” You motioned to the metal beams, and the path you took to climb them. 

“Wait- you leave the walls? Sneak out?”

“I’m not always sneaking out. Sometimes I walk right out the gate and go hunting. But yeah... sometimes I sneak out.”

“Why would you go back out?” He asked, looking over at you. You shrugged and continued walking.

“Sometimes Alexandria feels like a dream. Sometimes I just need to ground myself a little.”

“Fair enough,” he said. The two of you walked all through Alexandria. You passed Deanna, who waved and smiled. You passed Aaron, who did the same, and said hello to Carl. Eventually, you encountered Ron as you walked outside of his house.

“Y/N. Carl. Hey,” he waved, beckoning you over. “How’s it going?”

“Giving Carl the grand tour,” you said with a chuckle. 

“And are you impressed?”

“I- yeah. Definitely. I’ve missed showers, for sure.”

Ron laughed at that, and motioned for you to come inside. You shook your head. “Sorry, Ron. Gotta help clean that meat from yesterday.”

“Ugh, fine. Carl, wanna play video games?”

Carl quickly agreed, and you went off to do your day’s work.

 

You had (Y/F/B) playing out of your Walkman as you cleaned the meat from yesterday. You saved the hides, figuring you could make something from them later. You couldn’t sew well, but it could do the job. The meat got salted and stored. You figured you could make some stew tonight out of the rabbit.

It was things like that that kept you sane. Mundane tasks like cleaning meat or making soup kept you happy, or close to it. It felt just like life in the Saviors. As you worked, you missed Negan. Well, at least the way he used to be.

When you were finished, you encountered Deanna as you went for a small walk. She waved you over, and you obeyed.

“Y/N! It’s good to see you,” she greeted.

“Good to see you too. Do you need my help?”

“No, no. Just wanted to chat.” Deanna glanced over at Carl’s house, and then back at you. “I appointed Rick and Michonne positions. They’re going to be patrolling the town, making sure everything is in order.”

“Smart decision. They know a lot about the outside world,” you said. You hoped that putting emphasis on the outside world would eventually make her a little more cautious, but so far, she seemed very stuck in her own little bubble. You didn’t have many complaints about Deanna, but this was definitely one of them.

“More importantly, they know how to keep people safe. Rick was a policeman before all this,” Deanna said. Rick was a policeman? You didn’t know that. Maybe that could explain Carl’s sheriff hat.

“Well then I’m glad they’re in the position,” you replied. You attempted to walk away, but Deanna put her arm out to stop you.

“What do you think of the new group?”

You raised an eyebrow. “I think they’re good people.”

“Don’t you think that they’ve been out there for too long?”

“No! They know more about how to keep safe than you do. I’ve been trying to tell you that we need people like them. They know what’s out there, they can help protect us,” you argued. Deanna was taken aback by your statement, and even more taken aback by you walking away. You weren’t sure why you were so angry. It wasn’t like Deanna had attacked anybody. Somehow, though, Alexandria felt almost too good to be true. Something would happen sooner or later.

 

As time passed, tension rose in Alexandria. Carl’s group was starting to gain power. The original citizens of Alexandria were deeply concerned. Deanna lost one of her sons. It seemed the paradise of Alexandria was slowly crumbling. You were wondering when you’d have to pick up and leave. You were wondering how you’d keep Carl safe.

Every time you and Carl talked, you liked him more. You and him shared comic books, late night conversations, and whatever cookies you could bake and smuggle over to him. You weren’t close by any means, but you were friends. To you, having had no close friends before except Enid, you were just happy to have someone around. You even helped to take care of Judith, on occasion.

Deanna frowned upon your complete acceptance of the newcomers, but you didn’t care. They knew more about the world than she did.

Finally, things blew up.

As you were walking down the street, you saw Rick and Jessie’s husband, Pete, break through a window. You knew that Rick was suspecting him of something, but you didn’t know it would get this bad, or that it was this serious.

You rushed towards the pair, grabbed Pete and tried to pull him off of Rick. He lashed out, and pushed you backwards into the pavement. You quickly got back on your feet, and helped Rick push him down. Just as Pete had passed out, Deanna arrived.

“What is the meaning of this?” She yelled, approaching you and Rick.

“Pete...” Rick paused to take a breather. “Pete was abusing Jessie and Sam. Nobody was doing anything.”

“So you decided to beat him! The hell do you think you are?”

“Rick is keeping us safe! I came over to help and Pete pushed me to the ground!” You yelled. “He knows more about surviving than you do!”

“You all are ignorant. You don’t know what’s out there. You don’t understand the danger. You don’t watch over your people. You are an incompetent leader. And-“

Just as Rick was about to go on, Michonne knocked him out. Deanna approached you, and shook her head in disapproval. “I thought you were better than this,” she said bitterly.

“Guess you were wrong,” you snapped. You helped Michonne get Rick to the infirmary to patch him up, and found Carl in his house taking care of Judith. You wanted to make sure he knew what had happened.

When you walked in, he greeted you with a smile, but stopped smiling when he saw your serious expression. “Is something wrong? Is everyone okay?”

“Rick... attacked Pete.” Carl looked shocked, and laid Judith down gently on the couch. 

“Why? What happened?”

“Pete’s been abusing Jessie and Sam. I guess things escalated. Michonne knocked him out before he could cause any more damage. They’re patching him up now,” you said quickly. 

“Is he going to be okay?”

“Yeah, but he took some hard hits. He’s out cold right now. Deanna is furious. She just announced that she’s calling a meeting. A town meeting. Deciding whether or not your dad gets to stay.”

Carl sat down on the couch, head in his hands in frustration. “Why the hell didn’t he just tell Deanna?”

“He probably did. She has a reputation for not listening to actual problems.” You hesitantly stepped closer to him, and gently rested a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay. She’ll realize that she’s making a mistake. She has to.”


	8. Past

The night of the town meeting arrived, and the whole town was tense. Carl decided that he had to stay with Judith instead of coming, so you promised to report back everything that you saw and heard. Enid decided to come too. After all, you both wanted to see what would happen.

As you gathered around the fire with the rest of the town, you felt fear creep up inside of you. You knew for sure that Alexandria was falling apart. You looked over at the scared face of Jessie, and felt a twang of empathy. She, of all people, deserved a future. A good future, at that.

Time passed. You and Enid huddled around the fire. “What do you think Rick is doing? Why isn’t he here?” Enid whispered to you.

“No idea. But he better show up,” you whispered back. Deanna was getting anxious as well. 

Finally, Deanna couldn’t have it anymore. The arguments started. Some were concerned about his abilities. Others wanted his protection. You decided to stay quiet until Rick himself showed up. Thankfully, you didn’t have to wait long.

You saw Rick walk in, bloody, holding a walker corpse. The community members gasped, Enid shuddered. What was he thinking? This was what scared you. It seemed that Rick had completely lost his mind.

“What the hell is this?” Deanna yelled, motioning to the walker. 

“This is what is out there!” Rick cried, holding the walker. “This is what you don’t seem to realize! Sooner or later, you’re going to have a problem, and you are going to die if you don’t know how to handle it.” He paused for a moment, held the walker a little higher, and then lowered it again. “I found this inside the walls.”

A gasp fell over the crowd. You almost wanted to tell Deanna I ‘I told you so,’ as it was bound to happen sooner or later. Rick continued speaking. “Let us stay. We can teach you, we can protect you.” This speech swayed a few, but most still seemed wary.

Just then, Pete himself sauntered in with a machete in hand. Rick dropped the walker and retreated. You stood up on instinct, and raised your pistol to point at Pete. You weren’t supposed to have this pistol, you knew that, but it was only for emergencies. This seemed like an emergency. 

Pete tried to hit Rick with the machete, but instead, it went right into Deanna’s husband’s neck. 

Time slowed down. Blood spurred on the ground as he tried to take a breath. Deanna was crying. Spencer panicked. Pete and Rick were fighting. You fired a shot, but it missed and hit right next to Pete’s head. Enid grabbed the gun from your hand. “Stop!” She cried, “you’re going to hit Rick!” You let her have the gun.

Rick had Pete on the ground. He looked to Deanna.

She told him to fire a shot.

Pete was dead. 

Jessie was shaking and crying. You looked to your right.

There stood Daryl, Aaron, and a man that you had never met.

 

The whole town felt different the next day. You told Carl everything that happened. You met Morgan, the man you’d seen the previous night. Deanna had unofficially made Rick leader. 

In a way, you were relieved. While tragic things had happened, maybe now the community was better off. Maybe this would be better for everyone. Maybe people finally understood.

A week after the incident, you invited Carl to walk around the town with you. He happily obliged. He was wearing a signature flannel, his hair pulled messily away from his face. He looked a little worn out, a little tired, but he gave you an earnest smile, and the two of you began your walk.

“You know, I still don’t know much about you,” he said, glancing over at you. You just shrugged.

“I don’t know much about you either. I know your favorite comic books, your favorite foods, but I don’t know where you come from.” You paused for a moment, realizing how little you really knew about your hat-wearing companion.

“Well, why don’t you tell me?”

Your heart skipped a beat. You kept walking, but you couldn’t hold back the feeling inside you. Fear. You remembered the Saviors, remembered the way they ran things, the way they ruled over everyone they saw. 

“I- I can’t. Before, I lived in the city. I... my parents died shortly after, and someone took care of me.” That, you figured, was vague enough to satisfy some curiosity and send a message that you didn’t want to talk about it.

“Oh. I’m sorry. About your parents,” Carl said, looking over at you. The two of you stopped and sat on a bench near the pond, and you just shook your head.

“Was a long time ago. Besides, you know what it’s like. To lose a parent. Right?” You’d never seen his mom around, the closest thing he seemed to have was Michonne.

“I... yeah. My mom. Her name was Lori. She died having Judith.” He looked down at his feet, clearly trying to hold back the memories. You knew then that he’d seen her die. He had to be there. You knew how that felt. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I have my dad. I have Judith. I have my group. It’s okay,” he said. He smiled a sad smile and looked out at the pond. The afternoon light glimmered on the surface of the pond, a slight breeze rustled the grass. For a moment, everything was peaceful. However, you felt a pain in your chest. The only person you really had was Enid. She was your sister. You didn’t have any adults looking out for you. You were alone in the world.

“I can’t tell you more,” you said, breaking the silence. “I’m sorry. I can’t say more about who I am, or where I come from, because... because I want to be your friend, and I’m scared that if I say something, you won’t be anymore.” All of this came out so quickly you were surprised. Carl looked surprised too.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I don’t think... I’ve made mistakes too. I’ve, I’ve killed people. Maybe I didn’t have to. Whatever you’ve done...” He looked you in the eyes, and you realized that you were trying to hold back tears. “Whatever you’ve done, don’t worry about it. But you don’t have to tell me.”

You honestly didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever been this honest with you. Nobody except Enid. Everyone you talked to was slanted, with some sort of bias. Carl just accepted you. 

All you could do was nod, mumble a thank you, and walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relationship building??? Uhhhhh I don’t know how to write please send help.


	9. Safe?

Even in a walled city such as Alexandria, walkers were a problem. Too many could cause a section to fall, or block the gate and prevent safe entry and exit. You were skilled enough that you could take a decent amount of walkers on your own, but you definitely couldn’t take on what was coming.

One hot day, Rick led a group out to draw walkers away from Alexandria. Apparently, they’d filled the quarry, and were going to become a problem if they weren’t lured away. It seemed a simple enough plan to you. You even offered to help, but it was denied. Rick said he didn’t need it, but he would appreciate you staying with Carl and helping to take care of Judith. Judith being the little angel she was, you were happy to oblige.

After the group left, you made your way to Carl’s house. The Georgia air was thick and hot, creating beads of sweat on your face and neck. The worn jeans you had on were hard to bear with all the heat. Still, you stood on Carl’s doorstep, waiting for him to let you in.

When he answered the door, Judith was resting on his hip, smiling and giggling. Carl, however, looked solemn. You could see the worry behind his expression, worry that you shared, but not to the same degree. 

“Y/N. Thanks for coming to help,” Carl said, stepping aside so that you could enter.

You walked inside the house, and held out your arms. Carl handed Judith to you, and you bounced her up and down, causing her to coo and laugh even more.

“It’s no problem. I wanted to help with the walkers, but your dad insisted I do this instead,” you explained. “Which, I don’t mind, of course.”

“I’m glad to have the help,” Carl said, shutting the door behind you. “Want to come upstairs? We have some toys in Judith’s room, and she just ate, so we’re good on that.”

You shrugged. “Sure.” You’d only been upstairs briefly, and you were curious about what the other houses in Alexandria looked like on the inside. It was still such a stark contrast to the Sanctuary that it sometimes felt like a dream.

You followed him upstairs and to Judith’s room, where there was a crib and toys scattered on the floor. You sat on the ground, and put Judith down. She instantly found a stuffed animal and started messing with it. You looked behind you at Carl, who quickly sat down next to you. “Still can’t believe I live in this place,” Carl said, eyes scanning the room.

“Ha. Me neither. And I’ve been here longer,” you said. “The place I was before... it had showers and stuff. Beds. Food for everyone. But it wasn’t...”

“As nice?” Carl questioned. 

“Yeah. Pretty much.” You watched as Judith snuggled her stuffed animal, and smiled to yourself. “Your little sister here is adorable.”

Carl laughed, and scooted closer to Judith before picking her up and sitting her on his lap. “I think she knows it, too. She loves the attention.” Judith reached a hand out to you, and you offered her a finger. She wrapped her little fingers around yours, and squeezed as hard as she could, which wasn’t very hard.

“Who came up with the name Judith?” You asked, wiggling the finger that Judith was holding on to. Carl laughed, and looked down at the floor.

“Daryl called her ‘lil ass kicker’ for a while. Mom had just... you know...”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Anyways, Dad didn’t seem like he was going to name her anytime soon, so...” he looked up at the ceiling and laughed again, his face a slight shade of pink. He then looked at you, “I, okay, this is really embarrassing. So don’t tell anyone.”

You chuckled. “It can’t be THAT embarrassing. Judith is a nice name!”

“Well... I did name her after my third grade teacher,” Carl admitted. He was smirking, cheeks red, blue eyes gleaming. 

You distracted yourself from him by laughing. “You know, Grimes, I thought you were high class.”

“And what for?” He asked, eyebrow raised. 

“I don’t know! You seemed like tough shit, and now I’m not so sure.”

“Damn! I was hoping I could keep up the illusion a little longer,” Carl said, faking frustration. Man, those eyes...

“Maybe you shouldn’t let your secrets go so easily.” Carl rolled his eyes, and you pulled Judith onto your lap. “In all seriousness, Judith is a good name. I like it. Carl, however...”

“Shut up,” he said teasingly, elbowing your shoulder. “I have some candy downstairs, maybe we can focus on that instead.”

“Sounds like a plan, Sheriff.”

 

Time passed. Judith has been very well taken care of, many jokes had been exchanged. As the you and Carl were talking, a gunshot sounded in the street.

“A misfire?” Carl asked, eyes wide.

“Nobody uses guns in these walls,” you mumbled. “Get Judith in her crib, lock the door if you can. I’ll go get the guns.”

“Got it,” he said, breathing short and panicked. “We should have some under my dad’s bed. Down the hall.”

You ran down the hall, and dove under the bed to find the guns. Sure enough, there they were. You grabbed them and met Carl in the hallway. You hastily handed him one, and the two of you rushed downstairs.

Your heart skipped a beat. Was Enid okay? She had to be. She’s smart. She would find a way to go, maybe even leave the walls until things quieted down. But there were walkers... 

“Shit,” you whispered as you and Carl sat down. You sat back to back, safety on your guns off, ready to fire immediately, should it be needed.

A knock at the door. You stood up instantly. It was a knock you recognized, a three beat knock. Enid. You answered the door without paying attention to Carl, and hugged Enid as she came in.

Enid saw Carl with his gun pointed at her, and took a step back. Carl put it down, and she stepped forwards. 

“I have a pistol with me,” she said. “I saw... what was happening, and I came as soon as I could.”

“What is happening? We haven’t looked outside,” you explained. 

“People... people got into the walls. They don’t seem to have guns, at least not most of them but...”

“People here have no idea how to handle it,” you murmured. Carl sighed and Enid nodded her head before sitting on the floor near you. 

“Do you think we should go help?” Enid questioned. 

“I have to stay with Judith. Besides, it’s dangerous out there,” Carl said. He wasn’t wrong. Gunshots could be heard every few seconds now, echoing throughout the walls of Alexandria.

“Carl is right. It’s best if we stay put. It wouldn’t do anybody any good if we ran out there with almost no idea of what’s going on,” you said. 

Enid sighed, before jumping at a noise coming from outside the house. A yell, another gunshot farther away. You jumped up too, and ran to see what it was. Carl followed closely behind, gun drawn.

You drew your gun and opened the door cautiously, only to see Ron being attacked by one of the invaders. You ran over to him, but Carl ended up taking a shot at the attacker, killing him.

Carl stepped forward and offered Ron a hand up. “Ron, you should get inside. You can come in-“

“No. I don’t need your help,” Ron said in agitation. “I could’ve handled him.”

“He had you on the ground! Please just come inside,” Enid pleaded. You could tell it was a lost cause. Ron looked angry, especially when he looked at Carl. It’s not like you could blame him. Rick had killed his father, after all. 

Ron walked away before you could say another word.

Defeated, Enid walked back up into the house, with you and Carl railing behind her. Once inside, she turned to Carl. “Can Y/N and I have a word? Upstairs?”

“Yeah. I’ve got it handled,” Carl said, reloading his gun. “Just make sure Judith is okay.”

“Got it,” Enid said, before pulling you up the stairs with her. She pulled you into the hallway, before looking at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with you.

“What is this about?” You knew Enid had her issues. She’d seen her parents die, been kidnapped, and then had to adjust to a completely foreign lifestyle. She’d been through a lot, and you’d helped her through it. Still, you were concerned.

“I just... after this. This might be goodbye.” You wanted to believe it was a joke, but her downcast eyes and crossed shoulders said otherwise.

“Are you... you can’t be serious. You’re... you’re my sister. Can we please-“

“I can’t take this anymore. I need some time,” Enid said in response.

“We can leave anytime we want! But you’re not going without me. Let’s talk about this. When this whole...” 

“When this thing is over?”

You nodded. “Yeah. Please.”

Just as your talk finished, a horn started blaring. You rushed downstairs in a panic and saw Carl’s confused expression. “What is that?”

“Sounds like a car horn,” you said, hurrying over to the window to hopefully see the source of the noise. No such luck. It sounded close, however. You shuddered. What if it attracted walkers?

“I’m going to go back to Olivia’s place, see if I can see anything from there. I’ll be back,” Enid mumbled, just loud enough that you could hear.

“Fine, but no running away,” you whispered. You said it so that only she could hear. She just nodded, and headed out the back door. With a sigh, you sat back down next to Carl.

“Where is she going?” Carl asked, brows furrowed. “She shouldn’t be going out in all this.”

“She’s going to try to figure out what the noise was. That’s all. She can handle herself.” Secretly, you were scared for her. She hadn’t seen much actual combat. Plus, the noise would most likely draw some walkers towards the gates.

All you could do was sit and wait for the worst to pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for not posting in a while! Trust me, I have a lot planned for this. This is only the beginning.


	10. Apart

The world had fallen apart again.

The attack ended, the noise stopped. You stood up, Carl followed. You wished him well. He pulled you in for a hug, but you didn’t have the energy to fully return it. You knew people had died. You knew it wasn’t the end.

Your first priority was finding Enid. As you walked outside, the first thing you saw was blood. Blood, seeping into gutters, staining picture-perfect green lawns, staining porches. Bodies, lining the streets. Some were enemies, sure, but others were people you knew by name. 

You ran through the streets, calling Enid’s name. No response. You went to the one place you thought you’d be able to find her.

In your and Enid’s shared room, there was a note.

“JSS” 

You knew what that meant. Enid, the girl you had saved, the girl you considered a sister, was gone. 

 

For a long time, you sat in your room, curled up on Enid’s bed. You knew this world wasn’t safe, and it never would be again. You remembered Negan’s cruel smile and the swing of his bat. Alexandria wasn’t where you belonged. Maybe Enid had the right idea.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the bodies, about the blood. You thought about everyone the Saviors had killed, and everyone they hadn’t killed yet. Why, you thought, why didn’t I speak up? Why did this happen? Why am I here?

After sitting for what felt like hours, you stood up and left the house. Where you were going, you weren’t sure. Your only thought was ‘away.’ However, you were interrupted by a light tap on your shoulder.

“Hello? Y/N, right? Are you okay?” The voice was familiar, but you couldn’t quite place it. As you turned around, you saw Maggie. She was frowning, her eyes were ringed with red. She had some blood on the edge of her shirt that was hard to look away from.

“I’m... fine. Are you?”

“I...” She trailed off, and glanced around her anxiously before looking back at you. “I can’t find Glenn. I don’t know where he is, if he’s hurt- have you seen him? He went out to help with the herd. He should be back by now.”

“I’m sorry Maggie. I haven’t seen him. I can go look-“

“No! No it’s... I’m probably overthinking.” She gave you a weak smile before turning to walk away. 

“Wait!” You called out. She turned around, and you saw the concern on her face you clearly it was like reading a book. You couldn’t imagine being in love in all of this. “I don’t know Glenn well, but I know he’s a fighter. I’m sure he’ll come back. And if I see him on lookout duty, I’ll come straight to tell you.”

She smiled, and wiped a stray tear off her face. “Thank you, Y/N. You’re an angel.”

You smiled and nodded before turning your back, and heading to one of the lookout stations. You had to keep an eye out for Glenn, or anyone coming back, for that matter.

 

Michonne, Heath, and Scott made it back. No sign of Rick, much less Glenn. It seemed the horn had blown the whole plan to shit. Half of the walkers had split off, and were headed this way. 

You hoped Enid was alive.

 

Rick returned, and walkers swarmed the gate. Glenn was gone. Enid was nowhere to be seen. Carl was distraught, Maggie was even more upset. Ron was avoiding you and Carl actively at this point. All you could hear when you tried to get some rest were the groans of the walkers. You wondered when the walls would fall, when you’d lose everyone else.

 

One night, you heard a rock hit your window. It was one AM, and you’d been trying to sleep for hours to no avail. When you peeked out the window, you saw Carl standing below, looking up at you. You opened the window as slowly and quietly as you could, trying not to cause any noise that could wake Olivia. All of this had been hard on her.

“Y/N? Can I come up?” He whisper-yelled. 

“The back door is unlocked. Feel free. Just be quiet,” you said back. He nodded, and disappeared. You sat back on your bed, and waited patiently for him to come up to your room.

When he entered, he sat across from you on Enid’s bed. For a moment, you sat in silence, before he said, “How are you never scared?”

The question took you by surprise. Of course you were scared. Everyone was scared sometimes. Instead of saying this, you just shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m... I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

This was, in some ways, a harder question. You didn’t have anyone. If Enid was dead, you were all you had left. “I don’t know of what. I guess... the people I was with... I’m scared of them finding me.”

“Why?”

“Do you always ask so many questions?”

Carl leaned back in the bed, and sat against the wall. “Not really. But the way I see it, we’re going to die soon. At least, if those walkers push down that wall. So... I’ve never really had a friend my age. And I want to know all about you before this ends.”

You rolled your eyes, although you were thinking the same thing. “Don’t get soft on me yet, Grimes. We don’t know.”

“No. We don’t. But I still want to know you.”

“Okay uhhh...” you thought for a moment, thinking of ways you could get to know this kid better. “How about... I say something I’ve done. You say if you’ve done it too, and then it’s your turn to say something.”

He nodded with satisfaction. “Okay, simple enough. You first.”

“I have... had my first kiss.” That wasn’t a lie. One kid you’d met earlier on had kissed you, although it was just a kiss. You hadn’t felt anything for him.

“Damn. I haven’t,” Carl said, laughing. “I haven’t really been around anyone my age in... well...”

“A long time?”

“Yeah. Long time. My turn.” He smiled at you. You could see the worry in his eyes, and in the way he kept shifting anxiously, glancing around. “I’ve... can I say something dark?”

“Why not? This is the end of the world, after all.”

“Alright.” He paused for a moment, then looked at you, a regretful look in his eyes. “I’ve killed somebody when I didn’t have to.”

You nodded, and looked down at your lap. “I have. I was in the woods one day, scavenging, looking for something to hunt. This guy came across my path. He immediately left, said he was sorry to bother me. I shot him anyways. I don’t even really know why.”

“I was in the woods, too. Have you met Maggie?”

“I have. She’s sweet.”

“She is. Anyways, her dad... he’s gone now, but he was in the woods with me. A boy, probably about twenty, approached us. He surrendered. I shot him anyways.” 

You looked back up at him. “Why did you do it?”

“Because. I was scared,” he murmured. “I was scared.”

“People do a lot of dumb shit out of fear,” you said. You scooted to the edge of the bed, and Carl did too. You were only a few feet apart. “I’ve done dumb shit out of fear. I’ve hurt people out of fear. Truth is...” You paused, considering your next words. “Truth is, I’m always scared. Not really of what’s out there. Just...”

“Just scared. I get it.”

“You do?”

He smiled, a sad smile. “I do.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until Carl crossed the room and hugged you so tightly you could barely breathe. You hugged back, holding him against you. You felt his body shudder, you knew he was crying too. 

You felt all the loss and pain resurface in your mind. Enid was gone. Negan became a monster. But here was this boy, soft inside but hardened from the world, who had seen the things you’d seen, and had decided to hold you in his arms.

Moments that felt like hours passed, and then you slowly pulled away. Even thought it had just happened, you already missed the warmth. How long had it been since a hug like that, you couldn’t remember.

“I kinda miss the kiss question,” you joked, wiping a tear off of your cheek. He chuckled, stifling a sob. 

“Yeah, me too.” Carl looked around your room, and sat at the edge of your bed. “Do you... do you mind if I stay? I’ll be home before anyone notices.”

“I’d love it.”

And so that night, Carl Grimes slept across from you in Enid’s bed, and you didn’t care if you were about to die. You got a taste of what it was like to have a crush. That’s what he was now, no denying it and no going back.

 

The next day, the wall fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a romance happening y’all. Also, two chapters in one day! Look at me go.


	11. Again

You were outside with Carl when it happened. At first, all you heard were the moans of walkers. Then, the creaking of the wall as it strained itself trying to stay up. You pulled your pistol out of its holster, and motioned for Carl to get back.

Then, everything was chaos. The strained section of wall broke down, a horde of walkers instantly swarmed inside. Immediately, you panicked. The first thing you did was grab Carl’s arm and drag him away.

“Dad! Come on!” Carl yelled. Rick was taking the walkers out with his revolver, their heads splattered onto the pavement with every shot. When he heard Carl’s voice, however, he turned and ran.

“Go! Get inside!” Rick yelled, following you and Carl. Everywhere, there were screams. You saw several people get taken down by walkers, their decomposing hands grabbing into living flesh. Nothing you hadn’t seen before, but still. It made your blood run cold every time.

You ran into Jessie’s home, and locked the doors. Instantly, barricades were being put up, guns were being drawn. Jessie, Sam, Ron, Deanna, Michonne, and Gabriel were also inside. Everyone was panicking, everyone was scared. 

Part of you couldn’t believe that things had gone so impossibly wrong. You’d come to believe that Alexandria was a peaceful place, somewhere that you could not only survive, but live. The longer you lived there, the less you believed it. Especially not now, with everything falling apart.

“You okay?” You asked Carl, who was breathing heavily from the running.

“I- yeah. I think. Are you?”

“I’m okay. Where, where is Judith?”

“She’s here. She’s okay, too.”

You breathed a sigh of relief and sat down, trying to ground yourself. ‘Don’t panic, you’ll find a way out,’ you thought to yourself. However, nothing was certain. 

 

The hours you spent in that house felt like days more than anything. All you could hear were moans and screams, the sounds of walkers clawing at the windows and walls of the house. Most of that time you spent sitting silently near Judith, occasionally bouncing her up and down on your knee to pass the time. 

Deanna had been bitten. The walls had fallen. The world had gone to shit, and it seemed you’d be suffering forever.

Carl asked, “What if this is it?”

“I’m not really afraid of dying. I’m just afraid that I’ll never be happy.”

“Me too.” Carl looked calm more than anything else, but you could tell he was worried. He kept looking over at Judith every few seconds, just to make sure she was okay. If only you had the courage to hold his hand.

Ron and Carl ended up going to the garage to look for tools. You offered to go with, but Ron seemed very against it. 

“Carl and I can handle it.”

“Of course you can, but I don’t see why you’re against me helping.”

Carl stepped in. “Ron, just let her come.”

Ron shook his head and glared at you. “No. This is my house.” His voice was firm and angry, so you stepped back. It would be best to not cause any unnecessary trouble.

“Fine!” You put your hands up in surrender. “Have fun, then.” 

As if things couldn’t get any worse, a crash came from the garage, the sound of a broken window. You ran to the garage door, and saw the walkers breaking in. 

“Inside! Quick!” You cried as Ron and Carl ran to get away. You should’ve gone in the garage. You slammed the door shut after they made it out, but it wasn’t enough.

You found yourself barricaded upstairs with only a couch keeping the walkers from getting to you. Everyone was safe, but not for long. The couch couldn’t keep in all the walkers, especially not if more wandered over.

That is when Rick had an idea. “We need three walkers,” he said. “We’re getting out of here.”

You knew instantly what he meant, and you shivered. You’d never had to do that before. You’d never walked through a herd of walkers disguised as one of them. The thought of being among them, right next to these monsters, was horrifying at best.

It seemed that Carl sensed your worry, because he slowly reached over and took your hand. His hand was shaking slightly, his cheeks were tinted a light shade of red. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll be holding onto you the whole time. It’ll be okay as long as we stick together. I promise.”

You nodded, and let some of the tension fall off of your shoulders. You gave Carl’s hand a light squeeze, and then it began.

You and Carl found some spare sheets to cover your clothes with before you disguised yourselves. Then, the work began. The walkers were torn apart, blood and guts spilling onto the wooden boards. Everyone got covered. All you could smell was death, so much that you wanted to cry. 

However, it worked. Your hand held Carl’s, his other hand held Jessie’s. Ron was behind you, at the back of the line. Sam was in front of Jessie, with Rick, Michonne, and Gabriel taking the front three spots. You walked downstairs, and made it out of the house.

Walkers were everywhere, their dull eyes staring at you. They sniffed the air, turned towards you, and then left. Everywhere there was decay, the scent of blood. You were nervous, so much so that you bit your lip and tasted the iron flavor of your own blood. Carl held your hand tightly, and looked back at you a couple times to make sure you were okay. Each time, you nodded and gave his hand a squeeze. Thank God he was there.

Gabriel then left the group with Judith, off to take her someplace safe. Carl looked scared about this, but you whispered to him, “Remember, it’ll be okay.” He squeezes your hand in response.

The minutes went on forever, an endless flood of walkers and adrenaline. Your feet dragged on the ground, your eyes dropped. When would it end? When would it be over? Was Maggie alive? Was Glenn? You tried not to think too hard.

At some point, Sam stopped walking. You were no longer in the middle of a herd, the walkers were a bit more spread out here. Sam looked so small, shivering and crying silently.

“Sam. We have to go. You can do it,” Jessie said, urging him onwards. Ron encouraged him too, but Sam simply looked distraught. You remembered being a scared kid once, too. You remembered the way you were before Negan found you. You felt terrible for him, but scared that he wasn’t going any further.

Before you could say any words of encouragement, there were walkers on him. 

Jessie screamed, Sam screamed for his mother. The walkers bit and bit, tearing at his flesh. You felt dizzy, sick, like you were going to collapse. The world felt blurred around the edges, like a marker-drawn picture with water spilled over it. You remembered being Sam. How could this be happening?

Jessie went down next, without screaming and without a fight. Jessie... 

Carl’s hand was still holding Jessie’s. You snapped back to reality as Rick chopped at Jessie’s hand until it came clean off.

Nothing felt real. Ron’s gun was pointed at Rick. He was crying. Then there was a sword through his chest. Enid... Ron...

There was a gunshot. Carl let go of your hand. God. You looked towards him, and almost passed out.

His eye was gone, blood ran down his face. “Dad?” He said, barely above a whisper. His voice was shaking, scared. You caught him as he fell, barely holding him up.

“Carl,” Rick said. He said it like it was an observation, before coming to his senses and picking Carl up, taking him away from you. Michonne looked horrified.

“C’mon. Let’s get Carl to Denise,” Michonne said to Rick. She motioned for you to follow, and you did. The three of you ran to the infirmary. You couldn’t breathe. Carl was dying. Or was he? You didn’t know. It looked bad. What if he got an infection? Where was Enid? 

When you got to the infirmary, it was chaos. Carl was laid on a bed, and you watched as Denise started to work on him. There was so much blood...

The light was going to attract walkers. If you didn’t make a move now, you were all dead. There was no way you could fight your way out once you were trapped. You inhaled, grabbed a switchblade from the pocket of your jeans, and made eye contact with Rick. He saw the knife, he knew what you were doing.

“It’s too dangerous, Y/N. Stay here.” He went for the door, but you called out.

“Wait.” You stepped forward, and motioned to Carl. “If we don’t get some of these guys cleared out, we’re stuck. We’re as good as dead. Let me help.” 

He considered for a moment, gave a quick nod, and left. You glanced back at Carl before following him.

One by one, you killed the walkers. You had Rick’s back, and he had yours. You fought together. When they got too close, you got out your pistol and started shooting. The whole time, you thought about Enid, about the Saviors and the Sanctuary surrounded by walkers attached to the gates. It fueled you onwards, even when you felt so tired it seemed hopeless.

And before you knew it, it was over. You were soaked in blood and guts, sweat and a few tears that had escaped your eyes. Rick looked about the same. 

“I’m going to go see Carl,” he said. “And...” He stepped forward, and put a hand on your shoulder. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re okay.”

It felt odd. The hand on your shoulder was something that Negan used to do, except this felt comforting and understanding. “Of course. I’m glad you’re okay, too.”

“You might want to get washed up,” he said, half-smiling. 

You nodded and tried to smile back, but it came out twisted, only a ghost of a smile. “I’ll do that, and then I’m coming to see Carl.”

“Okay. Good.” Then, he walked away, and you went to Olivia’s house, praying at by some tiny chance, Enid would be there.

 

She was. The second you walked in, you were greeted with a massive hug, one that almost knocked you over. You squeezed her so tightly that it knocked the breath out of her.

“I thought- I thought you weren’t coming back,” you choked out. You were sobbing now, no denying it. 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what- I don’t know what got into me. I’m so so sorry. I swear I’ll never do it again,” Enid said quickly. “Also! Glenn is okay! I found him outside the walls. He’s alright, he found Maggie.” 

“Thank God,” you said into her shoulder, still crying and shaking. “I had the worst night, Carl night die, Jessie and her family are gone. I saw it.” You cried all of this out while holding onto her.

She pulled away, but was still leaning against you. “It’s okay. You’re alright now. Focus on getting cleaned up.”

And so you did. You scrubbed all of the gore off, all of the sweat and tears went down the drain. You let yourself relax for just a moment, before getting dressed and going to see Carl.

On your way to the infirmary, you came across Glenn. He was dirty, sweat staining his shirt. However, he was smiling.

“Glenn! Glad you’re alright,” you said with a smile. You could hear the worry in your voice.

“Enid saved my life. I would’ve died of dehydration,” he said. His smile disappeared as he looked at you a moment more. “Are you okay?”

“I have to make sure Carl is okay,” you answered.

“Well, tell me how he’s doing when you get the chance. Also...” he paused for a moment, and smiled a bit softer this time. “Maggie said you gave her hope when I was gone. Thank you for that. I owe you one.”

You chuckled. “All I did was tell her you’d come back. I also kept lookout for you, but that’s it.”

“It went a long way. Just... thank you. I’ll let you get to the infirmary.”

With that, you smiled at him before walking the rest of the way. 

When you entered, Rick was there sitting with him. His eye was under a bandage. He didn’t look particularly pale or sickly, and he was clearly still alive. When Rick saw you, he smiled. “Carl is alive. He woke up briefly, but Denise has him on a lot of painkillers.”

You almost cried again right then and there. He was alive. He would make it. You sat beside his bed, and took his other hand. “Good. I was... I was so scared.”

“Trust me, I was too.” Rick sighed, and looked over at you. “You know, he thinks very highly of you.”

You laughed, trying not to blush. “Well, I think very highly of him, too.” 

You felt Carl squeeze your hand. The world felt a little bit brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyy we’re getting somewhere


	12. New

You couldn’t remember having a crush before. The world had ended before you really got the chance to have an actual crush on anybody. Now, it was real, and it was as great and terrible as everybody said.

Enid was shaken by Ron’s death, so you couldn’t talk to her about your crush. You wouldn’t want to, anyways. She was grieving for somebody that she cared about, something you knew all too well. You still talked to her, of course, but you made sure that you gave her some alone time. 

In the meantime, you went on patrols with Glenn. The events of a few days before couldn’t stop safety protocols.

 

“So... how’d you and Maggie get together?” You asked one day. You were doing an afternoon patrol around the fence. The sun was shining down through the leaves, casting sunspots on the floor of the forest. Glenn chuckled at the question.

“Very suddenly, I’ll tell you that. And... I don’t know. We had our disagreements, but...” he smiled to himself, and then over at you. “One day, I just kinda knew. I loved her.”

“That is...” you paused, trying to find the words. “That is the cheesiest shit I’ve ever heard.”

He laughed, and playfully elbowed your shoulder. “You’ll get it eventually.”

“Not like I have many choices.”

Glenn sighed, and looked up at the trees, a hopeful gleam in his eye. “This place will grow. I know it.” He turned his gaze to you, and smirked. “That’ll give you more choices.” 

You smacked his shoulder, laughing and joking the whole way back home. 

 

Maggie told you she was pregnant.

It was a week after the attack, and you were busy helping her make the new garden. You’d never gardened before in your life, but Maggie used to live on a farm, so she knew all about it.

You were exhausted and sweaty after working for hours in the hot sun. Finally, you sat down for a short break before planting the last few plants.

“I have something that might cheer you up,” Maggie said. You sat down in the grass, and Maggie sat beside you. 

“What’s that? We can be done for the day?”

She chuckled and shook her head. “I’m afraid not. But hey, only a couple more things to go.”

You sighed, and turned to look over at her. “So what’s the news?”

She practically beamed at you, before saying, “I’m pregnant.”

Immediately, you felt a mix of emotions. After everything that had happened, you knew Alexandria wasn’t truly safe. Who would try to have a kid in this world? Carl had confided in you that Judith wasn’t planned, but had Maggie and Glenn planned this?

“Congratulations,” you said after a slightly-too-long silence. Maggie raised an eyebrow.

“Something wrong?” She asked.

“No! No, I just... now? In all of this?” You motioned to your surroundings, all the houses and the few stray people walking around. You also motioned to the bloodstains that still remained on the pavement.

She sighed, and gently placed a hand on your knee. “This world is hard. Harder than anything I could’ve imagined. But it’s up to us to rebuild, to create a future.” She smiled sadly, and you placed your hand on top of hers. “I’ve lost a lot of people. I’m sure you have, too. Even still, we can make this world better. We can not only survive, but live. I’m not going to let this world scare me into not being happy.”

What she was saying made sense, but still, you couldn’t quite grasp it. Everything was about staying alive, wasn’t it? You wondered if it mattered if you were really ‘living’ as long as you were breathing. Was there even a difference?

“It... makes sense. I’m happy for you.”

Deep down, you still felt that there were two sides of you. The one who was a part of the Saviors, who believed that as long as you were breathing, nothing else mattered. On the other hand, there was the new you, the one who had a crush and people she was coming to consider as family. The one who thought that maybe the most important thing was to live.

 

After helping Maggie, you went to the infirmary to visit Carl. He was awake most of the time now, but Denise wanted to keep a close watch on his eye to make sure it wouldn’t get infected. Besides, he was still pretty weak. He’d gone through a lot of shock that night.

When you entered the room, he was sitting up and reading a comic book, squinting at the page. Since you saw the actual wound, his missing eye had been covered with bandages. This was no different. 

“Hey, Grimes,” you said, taking a seat next to him on his (temporary) bed.

“Hi.” He looked up from his book with a frown on his face. He had a bag under his remaining eye, a sign that he hadn’t slept much. He sounded like he’d been up all night, his voice was low and scratchy.

“Are you okay?” You asked him gently. 

“I can’t read.” He glanced back down at his book, and then back up at you. “My eye, it... I’m not used to only seeing with one eye. I can’t read.”

“You’ll adjust. I’ve known people who lost an eye. It was hard at first, but you’ll get used to it.” You said it quietly, softly. You didn’t want him to think you were dismissing his problem.

“It’s okay. I know you’re right.” He slowly reached out to your hand, and slowly interlocked his fingers with yours. “You went though a lot that night, too.”

“I can’t believe Ron is dead,” you said simply. “Enid can’t either, it’s harder on her.”

Carl sighed and shook his head. “Ron... is it terrible if I say he brought it on himself?”

You shrugged and gripped his hand tighter. “You’re right. But I’m not sure if that’s terrible to say or not.”

“Fair.” A beat. “Why did you go fight off the walkers? You could’ve died.”

You wondered that yourself. Was it to save yourself, or was it Carl that you were trying to save? The second you started thinking, you already knew the answer.

“It was you,” you said softly. “That’s why. I had to save you.”

“Why?” He said back. He leaned in closer to you, and you inhaled his scent. He smelled like the woods, fresh rain, and the scent of home. 

“I wouldn’t want to live in a world without you, Grimes.”

And just then, the moment was over. The door to the infirmary was opened, and Denise walked in. You let go of Carl’s hand and scooted away. 

“Y/N, hi! Didn’t know that you’d be here,” Denise said, smiling. She was so kind, she made you feel comforted.

“Had to check on Grimes here to make sure he doesn’t get hurt again,” you teased. Carl briefly stuck his tongue out at you in response. Then, his face became solemn again.

“Thanks, Y/N. I’ll be at my house tonight, if you wanna stop by.” You took his meaning. He didn’t want you in the infirmary, not while he got his eye checked out. You didn’t blame him.

“Alright. I’ll come by at six?”

“Yeah, perfect.” He smiled at you, and glanced at Denise. “See you later.”

“Later, Grimes.”

 

That night, you wandered over to Carl’s house. The sun was just starting to set, and the faint noise of crickets could be heard over the chatter of people on porches and walking in the streets. Maggie waved to you from her home, and you waved back. Things were starting to settle back down. Hopefully life would be peaceful for a while.

You knocked on the door, and instantly heard Rick yell, “Come in,” from somewhere in the house. You opened the door, and instantly saw Michonne sitting on the couch.

“Y/N, hey. Carl is upstairs. He said you’d stop by.”

“Okay. Thanks, Michonne.”

“Of course. Nice seeing you.”

“You too.” You gave her a quick smile before heading up the stairs to Carl’s room. He was laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, but he sat up when you came in the room. You didn’t say anything, just sat down next to him. 

He looked at you with questioning eyes. “You don’t want to live in a world without me?”

You shook your head. “Never. I-I’ve lost so much. So many people...”

“You won’t lose me,” Carl said, taking your hand. You didn’t think you’d ever get used to your hand being held. 

Your eyes met his. You’d never seen any eyes like his, the color of the sky and ice, so bright it felt unreal. Unlike other times, you didn’t look away. You held his gaze as you leaned closer, slow and hesitant. He moved closer too, now his face was inches away from yours. He leaned in a little more, and closed his eyes. You went the rest of the way.

Yes, you’d kissed someone. No, it hadn’t felt like this. This felt like you were flying. He was so warm, so good. You couldn’t help but think to yourself that you didn’t deserve him, or this, or anything. You’d come from a place too dark to be drenched in this much light.

It was a lingering kiss, but even that had to eventually end. When it did, you touched your forehead to his. You could almost hear this quick heartbeat, feel his breath on your cheeks. 

“I don’t deserve you, Grimes,” you said. You could barely speak it above a whisper. 

He chuckled, and kissed your forehead. “You’re right. You deserve more than me.”

“You don’t- you don’t where I come from. The person I used to call my dad-“

“Hey.” He squeezed your hand, and stopped your panic. “It doesn’t matter where you come from. It just matters who you are now.”

And with that, you kissed him again.


	13. Family?

“Can you teach me how to track?”

Daryl scoffed at your question, but you could see the hint of a smile on his face. “I thought you knew how to hunt.”

You walked next to Daryl in the woods, enjoying the sounds of the birds up above. Daryl said he was going out hunting, and you’d decided to go along. It was still early in the morning, and the crisp air felt fresh in your lungs. You shrugged. “I know how. I’m just a really bad tracker.”

“So you what? Wait for something to cross your path?” Daryl said with a chuckle. He was exactly the sort of person your parents warned you about before the apocalypse, but he seemed kind so far, if a little rough around the edges.

“Basically. I set traps, too. I have one I need to check, actually.” 

Daryl motioned ahead, a swing of his arm. “Alright. Lead the way.”

You lead him through a thicket of trees, bushes crowding the middle. The bushes had berries on them, small and dark purple in color. You’d always avoided them because you weren’t sure if they were poisonous or not, but Daryl told you to stop when you were about to walk past one.

“Why? Are they edible?” You asked, pointing to the berries.

“They’re good,” Daryl said, picking one right off the bush. He popped it right in his mouth. “Try one.”

You ate one, and smiled as the juice filled your mouth. It was delicious, but unlike anything you’d had before. It had the tartness of an apple, but it was somehow sweeter at the same time. “You’re right. They are good.”

He didn’t answer, just nodded. “Should probably get some on the way back.” 

With that, you continued onwards until you made it to a clearing. You’d set up a trap tied to a tree, and sure enough, you’d caught something. It was a massive rabbit, the biggest you’d ever seen. 

“Damn. Big rabbit. S’good no walker got to it,” Daryl said, examining the thing for any potential bites or scrapes. “It don’t look like anything got it.”

You smiled at the thing, and unstrung it before wrapping it up in some cloth you had and tucking it into your backpack. “Died pretty recently too, I think.”

“S’right. Ain’t no flies or nothin.” Daryl said, examining your trap. “How ‘bout I teach you to track, and you teach me ‘bout that trap you set. Traps ain’t as effective these days, but you managed to catch some game.”

You reached out for a handshake, and he gave a small chuckle before accepting. “It’s a deal. Now, what were you tracking again?”

“A big ass deer. Saw it come through here couple a’ days ago. Seen some tracks around.” He pointed to another clearing a little farther into the woods. “Last I saw, tracks were there. Let’s get this thing.”

You followed him to the clearing, and he pointed out some animal tracks on the forest floor. “See that?” You nodded, and looked a little closer. “Those are fresh.”

“How do you know?” You asked, looking even closer. 

“Most animal tracks are in wet dirt. When the dirt dries up more, it cracks and stuff. Ain’t no cracks on these tracks,” Daryl said matter-of-factly. “S’more likely you’ll find broken twigs or leaves or somethin, so we got lucky here.”

You followed him as he examined the trail. As you got into an area full of dried up leaves, they disappeared. “Your turn,” Daryl said, motioning to the tracks. “Broken leaves and twigs. Ain’t a hard trail.”

“Okay,” you said. You narrowed your eyes and walked a few cautious steps to where you thought the trail was. Sure enough, there was a broken twig. Some leaves made the shape of hoof prints. You followed the trail further, and Daryl made a noise of approval. You found a tree with some half-eaten leaves. Closer...

You made it to a field, and saw the deer. It stood, eating grasses. It’s ears twitches, but it didn’t run. It didn’t even look at you.

“Wanna make the shot?” Daryl asked. You nodded, and drew your bow. You were about to shoot, but Daryl stopped you. “Easy there, aim a bit higher. S’pretty far away.”

You did as he said, and released the arrow. There was a split second of uncertainty before the arrow hit the deer right in the head. Daryl instantly got up, and gave you an honest smile. You’d never seen him do more than a half-grin before. “Damn straight! Good job, kid.”

“Thanks,” you said, laughing. You walked over to the deer with him, and helped him haul it all the way back to Alexandria.

 

That night, Daryl helped you make some stew from the deer and the rabbit. You decided to invite Maggie and Glenn over to have some also. Carl came, Daryl made sure Carol showed up, and Rick and Michonne made it too, bringing the whole rest of the group with them. They all brought food, and before you knew it, Olivia had a proper party happening in her house. Enid came downstairs finally to hang out with everyone. It seemed she was feeling better, which you, of course, were grateful for.

The adults cracked open beers while you hung out in the corner with Carl and Enid. Enid was even smiling and talking to people, a sign that she was getting better. The world felt a little bit more peaceful as you sat with your two best friends and ate some stew.

You kept catching Carl looking at you when you were looking away. It was nice to know that his feelings were returned, and nice to know, of course, that you could kiss him again. Enid didn’t know yet, but you figured you’d wait a little longer to say anything. She was still recovering from losing somebody that she liked, after all.

“So, I’m sorry for not talking to you guys as much,” Enid said, giving you a small smile. It quickly faded as she said, “I haven’t felt... right... since the attack.”

“I wouldn’t either,” Carl said quietly, barely heard over the chatter of the other houseguests. “I don’t think anyone has felt right since then.”

“Guess not,” Enid said with a shrug. “I just... I wish I hadn’t run off like that.”

“I understand why you did,” you said, resting a hand on her shoulder. “I was freaked out by the attack too. I get it.”

“Sometimes I feel like maybe nowhere is safe anymore,” Carl said with a sigh. However, the three of you didn’t have long to talk about the worst parts of life, as Rick decided to make a toast.

“Attention, everyone! Mind if I have a minute of your time?” He said, standing up in the middle of the room. Everyone looked over at him, including you, Enid, and Carl. Rick was smiling wide, but he stood rigidly, like a statue. 

“Recently, we went through some bad times. We did. But we got through them.” He looked around the room, and for a moment his eyes rested on you and Carl. Then, he looked back to the room, and smiled even wider. “But look at us! We got through it. Together.”

“Damn straight!” Abraham yelled. Sasha laughed, and you could see Maggie and Glenn beaming from across the room.

“We are the ones who can survive this. We can keep working together, keep building this place.” You could somehow see the sorrow in his eyes, see it in his posture. You knew that look. You were sure that you’d worn it also. 

“We are Alexandria. And we’ll keep fighting, no matter what.”

There was a series of cheers and claps, smiles were exchanged and toasts were made. 

Enid looked back and forth between you and Carl, and raised her glass of water. “A toast to us?” She asked, looking questioningly at you.

Carl smiled, and clinked his glass and Enid’s together. “To us.”

“To us!” You said, joining in. The three of you put your glasses together, and shared some laughter. Enid looked like she was glowing. Glenn smiled at you from across the room, and Daryl nodded at you when you waved at him. 

You realized then that you’d felt more at home with these people than with anybody else, including the dad you’d left behind.


	14. Polaroids

Two months since the wall fell, and everything had gone back to normal. The only issue was the lack of food.

You’d gone hunting as much as you could, but Daryl warned you not to overdo it, saying it would disturb the wildlife too much, make the population die off. You begrudgingly agreed, and ended up helping Maggie farm more than anything else.

In between farming or making sure your archery skills stayed sharp, you and Carl would sneak in a kiss here and there when you crossed paths. Enid knew now, and she was awfully happy about it. You figured maybe she was moving on. You knew that you were happy. Even with the food crisis going on, life felt pretty nice.

Glenn taught you a thing or two about cars, how to tell when there’s an issue or fix a broken radio. You didn’t know that was in his area of expertise, but you definitely didn’t complain. You figured you’d need the skills eventually.

One day, Rick and Daryl headed out on a scavenging mission looking for a truck that was (supposedly) full of food. They decided it would be a solo mission, so you hung back. 

You were at one of the guard towers when Carl ran up to you, smiling. “Y/N! Come look what I found!” He looked like he’d run all the way across Alexandria, with sweat dripping down his face. 

“Well damn, what is it?” You asked, hopping down from your guard tower. Rosita was supposed to take your post in five minutes anyways, and Sasha had the other guard covered. Carl laughed as you got down, and grabbed your hand.

You ran with him all the way to his house, and followed him upstairs. “This better be good,” you teased. 

“It is,” Carl said. He pulled something out from under his bed, and you laughed out loud when you saw it. It was a Polaroid camera, something you hadn’t seen for a long time. 

“Holy shit! I haven’t seen one of these in forever!” You said, still laughing. Carl handed you the camera and flashed his best smile.

“C’mon, take my picture,” he said, smiling at the camera. You examined the camera for a moment, trying to remember how it worked, but you figured it out. You snapped the picture, and smiled at the result.

There he was, almost as good-looking in the picture as in real life. You shook the photo a few times, and it grew more colorful with each flick of your wrist. You loved the thing. You presented it to him. “Voila,” you said teasingly, handing him the picture.

He smiled down at it, and then reached his hand out for the camera. “Your turn,” he said. You chuckled, and stood in front of the camera. You gave him your best smile, and he snapped the picture.

It came out perfectly. “Mind if I keep this?” Carl asked, showing you the picture of yourself.

“Only if you let me keep the one of you,” you said with a smile. He happily handed it back before giving you a chaste kiss on the cheek.

You smiled, and gave him an honest kiss on the lips. You felt yourself begin to blush, but you knew he was doing the same. This was still knew to both of you, still becoming something bigger. Still, you kissed him like tomorrow would never come.

 

After a few kisses, you and Carl headed to the fence. You climbed over, and dropped down on the other side. Carl quickly followed your lead. 

For a while, you walked in silence, holding his hand and admiring the scenery. In a way, you felt better outside the walls. You weren’t confined by anything, just surrounded by trees and the sound of the breeze. However, the peace was quickly interrupted as you heard a walker approaching. 

“I’ll get it,” you said, drawing your knife. You ended up hesitating when you saw its face. 

It was Deanna, pale and lifeless, shuffling through the woods. Your blood ran cold. This woman had given you another chance at life, at having a home. You knew she was going to die, she’d been bitten, but to find her out in the woods was something you weren’t prepared for.

“We should bring her back,” Carl said, resting his hand on yours. You lowered your knife, and sheathed it. Deanna limbered forward, and you started walking away.

“You’re right,” you said simply, trying not to look back. You didn’t want to see her face again, those dead eyes...

“You okay?” He asked, his brows furrowed in concern. 

You nodded, and started to run.

 

Later that night, you heard from Glenn that Rick and Daryl had found a man out scavenging. Unfortunately they’d lost the truck, but they thought this guy (called himself Jesus, what kind of a self-righteous asshole...) could be of some help. You thanked Glenn for the information, and ended up following him to his and Maggie’s house when he offered you a cup of tea.

“So, Jesus, huh?” You said with a chuckle. Glenn just shook his head and grinned.

“Guess some people need to stroke their egos even now,” he joked. You laughed at that, and opened the door to his house for him. “Thank you much,” he said, taking a step into the house.

“Of course,” you replied. You closed the door, and stepped inside. You could hear the tea kettle boiling, and the footsteps of Maggie rushing to take it off the stove.

“Welcome home!” She called to Glenn. When she saw you in the doorway, she smiled even wider. “Y/N! Good to see you.”

“You too! Glenn said I could come over and have some tea,” you said as you stepped into the kitchen.

“That you may,” she said. She carefully placed the pot on the granite countertop, and pulled three teabags out of a cupboard. “Glenn, help me get the mugs, will you?”

“Course,” Glenn replied. “Y/N, why don’t you have a seat?”

“Thanks,” you said, sitting down at the kitchen island. Glenn got the mugs down, and Maggie plopped the tea bags in and filled them with hot water. Soon, the three of you were sitting together, waiting for the tea to cool.

“Oh! Carl found something today.” You took off your backpack and found the Polaroid camera, which Carl said you could borrow for a while. Both Glenn and Maggie smiled at the sight of it. “Can I take a picture of you guys?” You asked, holding up the camera.

They both enthusiastically agreed, and got up for a photo. “Do a pose!” You said, and Glenn wrapped his arm around Maggie’s shoulder. He looked at her sweetly, and she looked up at him the way you wanted to be looked at someday. You snapped the picture right at that moment.

“It’s adorable,” Maggie said as she examined the picture. “I love it!”

“Time for one with just me,” Glenn said jokingly. Before he could take it back, you snapped a picture of him, grinning at you. Maggie just rolled her eyes.

“What an attention seeker,” she said, taking a sip of her tea. “All that stuff when we first met about how he was a loner...”

Glenn blushed and stepped back in embarrassment. “I was trying to impress you!”

“Wait, you claimed to be a loner to impress Maggie?” You said, laughing. 

“He did!” Maggie replied. 

Glenn shook his head in disapproval. “Laugh all you want, you became my wife anyways.”

“That I did,” Maggie said. She smiled warmly at Glenn, and then at you. “I’m glad you came, Y/N. It’s always nicer when you’re around.”

“Oh I- thank you,” you choked out. Somehow, this was hard to believe. You knew Maggie enjoyed your company, but people saying genuinely kind things to you with such sincerity.

“Of course,” Glenn chimed in. “You’re family.”

You really liked the sound of that. So much that when Maggie and Glenn both wrapped you in a hug, you didn’t pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR it gets more intense after this.


	15. Hopeless

You woke up to the sound of someone knocking at the door. 

“Go get the door,” Enid groaned into her pillow, still half asleep. You just rolled your eyes, got out of bed, and walked down the stairs. Sunlight streamed in through the windows, casting an amber light on the living room. You saw part of a sheriff’s hat through the window, and smiled to yourself as you opened the door.

Carl stood there with a half-smile on his face. His posture was somewhat stiff, which meant something was happening, but the smile reassured you that it wasn’t anything bad. “Morning, Y/N,” he said. “I’ve got some news.”

“Good news, I hope?” 

He chuckled and gave you a small shrug. “I uh... don’t know yet.”

You quirked an eyebrow, and welcomed him inside, although he didn’t choose to sit down. “What do you mean?”

“Did you hear about Jesus?”

“Mhm. He’s our new prisoner, right?”

“Well, he would be if he hadn’t escaped.” Before you could but in or get nervous, he cut you off. “BUT everything’s fine. He says he’s from a colony like ours, called Hilltop. He wants us to come see it, so my dad and a few others are heading out there.”

“Wait so... this guy shows up and says he had a colony and you’re just going to believe him?” You said incredulously. 

Carl shrugged once again, and finally took a seat on the couch. You sat down next to him, still hoping he’d give you answers. “My dad thinks that it’s more of a risk to not go than to go. We’re low on food, and he’s thinking maybe they could help.” He paused for a moment and laughed to himself. “That’s not the only shock I got today.”

“There’s another shock?”

“My dad and Michonne are... together? I guess?”

“Oh.” You snuggled closer to him. “Is that... okay with you?”

“Definitely,” Carl said, smiling. “They’re good for each other. I’m happy for them.”

You smiled back and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

That peck on the cheek became something more as Carl moved to kiss you on the lips. You smiled into the kiss, and moved on top of him. He was shy with the first few kisses, but now he was a little more adventurous. He moved his hands to your hips, and moved his lips down to your neck. You would’ve let it go farther, if you hadn’t heard Enid’s voice from the staircase.

“Gross. Go do it at Carl’s house, not here,” Enid said teasingly. You quickly jumped away from Carl, embarrassed. He was embarrassed too, but he laughed anyways.

“Sorry Enid,” you said from the couch. “I thought you were going back to sleep.”

“Unfortunately, all the stuff happening down here woke me up,” she said. You rolled your eyes, and laughed.

You then turned to Carl. “Are you going on that trip today?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think a one-eyed kid would make the best impression.”

“You’ve made quite a good impression on me, Grimes,” you flirted. He smirked, and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

“These people may not be so charmed,” he said back. “Besides, someone needs to watch Judith.”

Although part of you wanted to stay with Carl and help with Judith, you were too curious about this potential colony. They couldn’t be like the Saviors... could they? You had to find out somehow. 

“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go. If it’s okay with your dad, of course,” you said quickly.

“I mean, if that’s what you want, I’m sure he’ll let you,” Carl said, brows furrowed. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” you said, before giving him another kiss. “I’m going to go get dressed.” You called to Enid, “Save a granola bar for me!”

“Can do!” She yelled from the kitchen. Satisfied, you hopped off of the couch, said a quick goodbye to Carl, and headed to your room upstairs.

You didn’t have much clothing, but you had enough. It seemed a bit cooler outside today, so you wore a long sleeve gray shirt and blue jeans, along with some worn brown leather boots that fit you perfectly. You grabbed your holster and your bow, and you were ready to go. You headed back down the stairs, and outside.

Near the gates, you saw the group near the RV. Everybody was packing up, getting ready for the trip. It seemed most people were in good spirits, hopeful that this trip would yield a good reward. You couldn’t help but hope so too. Rick approached you, eyes narrowed with concern.

“You comin’ with us?” He asked.

“Hope so.”

“You can, If you’re sure,” he said. “We’re not sure if this guy is even telling the truth.”

“That’s why I want to come. Figure out if he’s lying,” you said confidently. Rick just nodded, and continued preparations.

You had to admit, you had a good feeling about the trip.

 

You’d been riding for a while when you heard Abraham quietly ask Glenn, “While you were pouring the Bisquick, were you trying to make pancakes?”

You instantly took the meaning, and started snickering from across the RV. Glenn looked back and forth between you and Abraham a few times before nervously saying, “Yes? I think- oh! You mean-“

“You and Maggie, dumbass,” you said from across the RV. Abraham chuckled, and Glenn shook his head.

“First of all, language. Second of all, yes. We’re trying to build something. We all are.”

“To be honest, I wondered that too,” you said, glancing at Abraham. “Not many choose to have kids these days.”

“I wonder why,” Glenn said sarcastically, but with a smile. Maggie smiled over at him, and once again you could see just how in love they were.

The moment didn’t last long. Rick sported something on the road, and the RV rolled to a stop. You peered out the window. It was a wreck, sure enough, and a bad one.

“Looks like my people,” Jesus said. You looked over at him, and suddenly it hit you. You knew that he was telling the truth. Everything gave it away, from the look in his eyes, to the worry written on his face. 

“We’ll go investigate,” Rick said. “Y/N, stay here and guard the RV. We can take care of it.”

“Can do,” you said. Rick and the other left to go check it out, and you sat there with your gun loaded in case anything was to happen. The only big event was when they finally returned with a few extra people.

 

Hilltop was real.

After being allowed to enter, you saw the place with your own eyes. Children laughing and playing. Crops growing. People laughing. It was a little sliver of paradise, everyone working in harmony to create a better future. You were glad to have come.

The leader, however, didn’t seem reflective of Hilltop at all. You had a knack for knowing immediately when someone was an asshole, and you knew when you looked at Gregory. He was a dick. Everything from the self-righteous way he talked to his overly-formal posture showed that he had not one idea what he was doing.

Maggie tried to negotiate, but it didn’t work. Jesus tried to convince everyone that it just needed time, but Rick seemed somewhat unconvinced.

You just hoped things would start to go your way, but you got no such luck.

 

Outside of the manor at the center of Hilltop, three people angrily stormed in. Gregory looked confused, his brows furrowed. 

One of the people stepped forward. “We’re here to pay tribute to Negan.”

The world stopped.

Did you hear that right?

It couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?

Negan.

You knew him.

You remembered him.

You remembered the boy he killed, the one he almost made you kill.

You remembered Enid in a cage.

You snapped back to reality.

“He said it was light. The shipment. He killed two people, he’s still keeping one hostage,” he said. “So we’ve got a message from Negan.”

Before anyone could make a move, Gregory was stabbed. Instantly, a fight broke out. The man who’d delivered the “message” jumped on top of Rick, screaming that anyone who tried to stop him would be killing the hostage. You instantly jumped in to help, pulling the man off of Rick.

This backfired. The man elbowed you in the nose, making your eyes water to the point that you could barely see. Luckily, Rick killed the man before he could kill you.

When the fight was over, your head was still spinning. The gasps of the Hilltop’s people barely registered in your mind. Negan. Negan had interacted with those people. The man you’d considered a father was once again within arm’s reach. You tried telling yourself that nothing was certain, but deep down you knew that this was the beginning of a fight.

 

You stayed silent until the group gathered to listen to Jesus.

“Negan is the head of a group called the Saviors. Him and his group found us, came to Hilltop. They made a lot of demands, a lot of threats, and eventually we made a deal.” He sighed before continuing. Your heart felt like it could leap right out of your chest. “Half of everything we have goes to Hilltop. In exchange, nobody dies.”

You wanted to scream, cry, or throw something, but instead you just stood there and tried to be still. “I know the Saviors. I was part of them, a long time ago,” you said. A few members of Rick’s group turned to look at you. Nobody looked betrayed, or even upset, just confused. “It’s something I regret,” you said softly.

“I took out some o’ them on the road,” Daryl said in his usual gruff manner. “I figure I can take out a couple more of ‘em. We can kill Negan, get the hostage, take out his boys. Done.”

You began to panic. “You don’t understand. The Saviors are massive. They have a ton of outposts. The hostage will most likely be in one of those.”

Daryl shrugged. “Then we send em’ a message. Show them we ain’t messin’ around.”

You argued more, trying to convince him and Rick, but deep down you knew that it was hopeless. 

How much would you lose before this was over? Most importantly, who would you have left at the end of it?

The rest of the trip went by in a blur of anxiety. For most of it, you sat in the RV, waiting for everyone to get ready to leave. 

On the way home, you saw he ultrasound of Maggie and Glenn’s baby. All it made you do was worry more. 

You realized that the Saviors coming back was your greatest fear. It was coming true. It was all coming true, and there was nothing you could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shiiiiiiiiiit


	16. Meetings

Rick called a meeting.

Everyone gathered in the old church, anxiously awaiting whatever there was to be said. You already knew what Rick was proposing, but for the moment, you didn’t want to think about it too much. You had one goal: Convince Rick to stand down, and stop whatever attack he was planning.

When you arrived at the church, you sat closer to the back. Everyone needed to hear what you were going to say, everyone needed to know the dangers. Too much could be lost if you said nothing.

Rick got up at the front of the building and began his speech. “The Hilltop Colony has a deal with some people called the Saviors. In exchange for peace, Hilltop has to give them half of everything they own.”

A murmur went through the room, but you stayed silent. Rick seemed determined, ready for a fight already. This wasn’t good.

“They forcibly took their guns, killed some of their people. Right now, they’re holding one hostage.” He paused for a moment to take in the shocked expressions of some of the people before continuing. “In addition to that, they tried to kill Sasha, Abraham, and Daryl. We can’t let this slide. It’s only a matter of time before they find Alexandria and make the same deal as us.”

Before you could say anything, Morgan stood up. You didn’t know him well, but he seemed friendly enough. “Maybe telling them that we’re ready to fight will stop them from attacking us.”

Rick shook his head, and you almost laughed at the idea. The Saviors liked a fight, liked picking fights. Rick continued talking. “We have to be sure that this isn’t going to start a fight. My idea is that we attack the Saviors. We sneak in, go under the radar, and take them out quietly.”

“You’re taking lives,” Morgan said. “I can’t stand behind this.”

“You don’t have to come,” Rick said sternly. That’s when you stood up, and Morgan sat back down. 

“The place they’re keeping him hostage is just an outpost. Taking out one outpost won’t do shit to stop the Saviors. There’s too many of them,” you stated. Another murmur went through the room, but still you stood your ground.

“We can’t just sit and do nothing,” Rick replied. “Then when they find us, we won’t be prepared enough to do anything.”

“Maybe our best choice is to not do anything. Be quiet, try to slide under the radar,” you said. However, you knew it was no use. Rick wasn’t a man of inaction. He wouldn’t just sit around and wait.

Sure enough, he announced that the attack would happen regardless, and you went home, hands shaking and eyes trying not to fill with tears. Fear, true, stomach-churning fear was something you’d almost forgotten. It was a feeling so easy to remember, once you’d felt it again. It was a feeling so cold and dark and lonely that you could barely breathe on your way home.

 

Later in the day, Carl came by the house. You were sitting in your room, curled up in a ball listening to Y/F/B. It was a song you’d heard more times than you could count, but it still brought you comfort. When you saw Carl standing in the doorway, you quickly turned it off. 

“Y/N, are you okay? You left so fast after the meeting, you seemed really upset.” He took a cautious step forward before sitting at the end of your bed.

You nodded, and tried to sit up straighter, not be so curled up. You didn’t want him to know how scared you were, how weak you felt. You’d faced hordes of walkers without this level of dread. What was wrong with you?

Carl scooted closer. “You can tell me, you know.” 

You shook your head, and scooted closer to him. “I can’t.”

“You- you were part of this group, right?” Carl asked. “You mentioned Negan.”

“Yeah.” You scooted back away. You hated hearing him say that name. Hated it with every bone in your body.

Carl wasn’t at all taken aback. “Then you know what’s coming, right?”

“It’s- Carl this is a bad idea. It’s a really bad idea we can’t-“ You got too choked up to finish your sentence. Before you knew it, you were sobbing, shaking. Carl instantly wrapped his arms around you, holding you to his chest.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Take a deep breath. We can figure this out,” Carl said softly, running his fingers through your hair and holding you close. You still couldn’t breathe. For a while the two of you sat like that, you in his arms, him holding you and telling you it would be alright.

After what was only minutes but felt like hours, you pulled away. “I’m scared,” you whispered. 

“Me too, Y/N. Me too.” He held your hand, and gave it a squeeze. “It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay. Please just... tell me why you’re scared.”

“I just-“ You took a deep breath so that you wouldn’t start crying again, and then mustered the courage to talk. “I saw the things that Negan does to people. I didn’t know he got Hilltop, or even that Hilltop existed, but I knew he’d taken over groups before. The Saviors... they’re a massive group, Carl. They’ve got several outposts, one of which your dad is trying to target. If he gets to us...”

“If,” Carl said. “If he gets to us.”

“Yeah. If he gets to us, someone... someone will die. And I can’t lose more than I have already.”

“You won’t,” Carl said reassuringly. “We all have your back, and you’ve got ours. We can come out of this.”

“Grimes, I really hope you’re right,” you said with a chuckle. You sniffled one more time, wiped a tear away, and took a deep breath. You had to be strong for what was coming. If you were being honest, you felt pathetic for crying, but you couldn’t help how scared you were. Still, you tried to calm down. Carl’s endless optimism helped, of course.

“I know I’m right,” he said. “We can do this. It’ll be hard, but we’ve already fought so much. We’re ready for this.”

You weren’t so sure about that, but you had to try to accept it.

 

Rick worked all day on planning the attack, which you helped with. You figured it was your job to make sure they knew as much as you could tell them, increase the chances of survival for everyone involved. 

“So this is an outpost?” He asked, looking over the roughly-drawn map. 

“Yep. Which means the guns will be...” you looked over the map, and placed a finger on the spot. “Here.”

He nodded with satisfaction, but before he could say anything, you butted in. “I-I can come with you, if you want me there.” You didn’t want to come, but you offered anyways. However, Rick didn’t accept.

“You’ve helped enough. You can stay here, make sure the place is safe. Keep watch,” he said. Deep down you felt relieved, although you were ashamed to admit it. 

The night of the attack on the Saviors was the longest night of your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short BUT the next chapter will be out later today


	17. Comfort

The plans had been prepared. It was well thought-out, and yet you couldn’t help but feel awful about the whole thing. You just wanted everyone to come out alive and well, but you couldn’t be sure that that would happen.

As everyone got ready to leave, you saw Maggie and Glenn near the gate. You decided that you could manage a quick goodbye.

“Maggie, Glenn. Need help with anything?” You asked, strolling over to them. 

“It’s kind of you, but we’re alright. All ready to go,” Maggie said confidently, but you could hear the nervous edge to her voice. 

“Good. I just, i just wanted to say goodbye. And good luck. I’ll see you both when you get back,” you said, trying to put on a reassuring smile. It worked well enough.

“Good luck to you, too. Keep the place safe for us, alright?” Glenn said. He wasn’t as good at the whole “being confident” thing. His voice was shaking, but somehow, he was still managing to do the hard thing. Maybe that’s one of the perks of being in love. It encourages you to do the hard thing if it keeps the ones you love safe.

“I will,” you responded. “Good luck again.”

And with that, they had to leave. You watched them go, and hoped that you could watch them get back when it was over.

 

That night went by painstakingly slow. Every moment, you were trying to guess what was happening over at the outpost. Were they pulling up to it yet? Were shots being fired? You kept mulling it over, but you couldn’t come to any conclusions.

Finally, you got under the covers of your bed, and went to dim the oil lamp you had by your bedside.

“Still awake?” You heard Enid’s voice from the bed over. She rolled over to face you. You could just barely see the dim glow of the lamp reflecting off of her brown eyes.

“Still awake,” you said back. You moved onto your side, facing her. “Why are you still up?”

“Eh. Can’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”

There was a moment of silence between you two, when all you could hear was the sound of crickets chirping outside. “I hate what they’re doing,” you said quietly. 

“Me too.” Another moment of silence. “The Saviors killed my parents.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, and then laid down on her back, so that she was looking up at the ceiling. “Not your fault. I’m just worried. I know what they can do.”

“Trust me,” you said with a half-hearted chuckle. “I can, too.”

“I bet.”

You let a few more moments pass, before talking again. “You know, I really like Grimes.”

You heard her let out a snort. “Trust me, I can tell.”

You laughed, and without a second thought, grabbed a pillow from your bed and threw it right at her. Soon, you were trapped in an all-out pillow fight.

You jumped off of your bed and over to hers, stealing all her pillows before jumping back. “No fair!” She cried, curling up in a ball on her bed. She laughed as you pelted her with pillows, and finally sat up once you were done.

You almost felt bad for laughing, considering everything that was going on. Still, it felt good. You were sweating from throwing all the pillows, and Enid was still laughing, absolutely covered in a pile of pillows. “You just had to throw every pillow in the room at me, huh?” She teased, grinning. 

You rolled your eyes, and grinned back. “You’ve taken worse.” You said.

“True that,” Enid replied. The room was quiet for a moment, before she chucked another pillow at you. 

And with that, another pillow fight began.

 

After the pillow fight was over, Enid fell asleep, and you were left in the eerie silence of the bedroom. You could hear the crickets outside, but only faintly. 

You couldn’t take it. Silence is a very loud thing, especially at times like this. You got out of bed, pulled on your brown leather jacket and boots, and headed outside. 

It was less quiet out there. The crickets were louder, the breeze made more noise as it made the grass sway from side to side. It was a cooler night, and you shivered despite your jacket. You wondered if Carl was still awake. You knew that if you were him, you wouldn’t be able to get any sleep. It was a miracle that Enid managed to fall asleep in all of this.

You started to aimlessly wander among the houses, walking through the streets with no real goal in mind. It was blissful outside, standing in the cool air. Still, you felt a nagging feeling in your chest, the feeling of fear. You missed your parents. You missed Negan. You hated that you missed him, for everything that he’d done and everything he would do. Still, in your mind, he was still the man that saved you and called you his own kid.

As you walked past the makeshift cemetery, you found Carl sitting in front of one of the graves, a firefly perched on his arm, flickering in the darkness. He almost startled you, sitting here so quietly. 

In the end, it was you who startled him. “Hey,” you murmured. He jumped at the sound, but settled when he saw you standing there in the shadows. Already, he could recognize you even in the dark.

“Hey,” he said back. He looked back down at the grave. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the name.

“Sam’s grave,” you said solemnly. He nodded, so slight that you could barely discern it. You cautiously stepped forward and sat next to him. 

“He shouldn’t have died,” Carl said sadly. He looked over at you, then down again. “Ron shouldn’t have died, either. I feel like... like maybe I could’ve-“

“You can’t think like that,” you said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Even if you could’ve done something, it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s gone. All we can do now is keep going.”

“I just...” he paused and looked at you, his blue eyes glimmering. The firefly flew away, landing in a bush nearby. “I remember being him.”

You understood exactly what he meant. You had been like Sam too. Scared... hell, you still were, but you weren’t so innocent anymore. You knew how to survive. Sam had to deal with forces he didn’t understand until they killed him. “I remember that, too.”

“Did you... did you kill your parents?” Carl asked, before quickly correcting himself. “I mean, make sure they didn’t turn. Did you have to do that?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, but opened them when you felt Carl’s hand in yours. You gave a quick nod, and opened your mouth to speak. “They... we were swarmed by walkers.” You took a deep breath and carried on. “My mom got it worse. She got bit in the neck, she couldn’t breathe. My dad got bit on the arm, but he’d broken his leg earlier that day. I put them both down. I barely knew how to shoot a gun.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Carl said, giving your hand a squeeze. You smiled softly at the motion, remembering a night filled with walkers when the squeeze of his hand was the only thing that kept you moving. “I’m so sorry. I...”

“You don’t have to say anything,” you murmured. “I put them down. Negan heard the gunshot and came rushing to help me. He saved my life.”

Carl was quiet for a moment. “I’m glad he did,” he said back. “I- I’ve lost a lot. A lot of people that I really, really loved.” His voice cracked slightly, and you held his hand tighter, and brought it to your lips. You kissed it softly, and he smiled, despite the few tears running down his face. “I can’t imagine a life without you. I know it hasn’t been long, but... I just can’t. I don’t want that life.”

“Oh, Grimes,” you said. You let go of his hand, and leaned towards him. He leaned forwards, and his lips were on yours. 

A moment later, you pulled away. Now was not the time. Still, you spent the night at Carl’s. You couldn’t sleep, but feeling the warmth of his chest pressed against your cheek made you feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I SAID I WOULD POST THIS OVER A WEEK AGO I’m just stupid and lazy but fear not! I have a ton of time to write now so we’re all good again.
> 
> Also the action really picks up next chapter, so you’re going to want to hear this.


	18. Again

You and Carl didn’t wake up until almost noon the next day. You hadn’t gotten to sleep until the early morning, but you still felt bad for sleeping in so long. Surely, the others were back by now.

However, you found out quickly that you were wrong. Nobody was back yet. Immediately you thought the worst. Carl was clearly panicked, too. After all, it was worse for him. His dad was out there.

All you could do was hold him close, and wait.

 

You were waiting by the gates when they came back, all of them. It almost felt too good to be true, seeing Maggie and Glenn walk hand in hand back into the walls. You jumped up, and ran to greet them. 

You were just going to smile and welcome them back, but you were quickly wrapped in a tight bear hug. Glenn hugged you first, and then Maggie joined in. 

“Thank God,” you whispered. They both just squeezed you tighter. Out the corner of your eye, you saw Carl hugging Rick and Michonne. Everyone was coming together. Everyone seemed truly happy. 

When they pulled away, your first question was, “Did anybody die?”

Glenn shook his head. “Everyone made it back. Everyone’s okay.”

It felt unreal, like a miracle. You thought that you were going to lose somebody, you thought there would be another funeral. Yet there you were, standing next to the two people you’d come to love so much, alive and well. 

You hugged them both again. There was so much to be grateful for.

You knew this wasn’t over. It couldn’t be. Still, for the first time, you knew that you could win. You had to win.

 

For what felt like ages, Alexandria was peaceful. You moved in with Glenn and Maggie after she gave you a generous offer, and spent a lot of time with Denise as she taught you how to do stitches. You improved your tracking to the point where you and Daryl could work on almost equal ground. The world was improving. Life was getting better. 

You knew what was coming, but you started becoming more confident. With every headshot to a walker, and every run-in with raiders outside the gates, you grew stronger.

Still, you were terrified of the day that the Saviors came again. If the day ever came. 

 

One day, you were at the infirmary helping Denise do some stitches. You’d gotten good enough to do it yourself without her help, but she still supervised. When you were done, you received a lot of thank yous from the patient, and a bright smile from Denise.

“Who knows? You might become the medic this place needs,” she said as she put away the tools. “Thanks for the help, Y/N.”

“The pleasure is mine,” you said back. You put the thread away, and then turned back towards her. “What else is on the agenda for today?”

“Actually, I’m going out to get some supplies. I’m thinking that I’ll take Rosita with me, maybe Daryl.”

This surprised you. Denise had never been outside the walls, at least not to your knowledge. “Are you sure? Have you been out there yet?” You asked. 

She shook her head. “No, but we need medicine. I’m the only one who can identify exactly what we need quickly.”

“Fair,” you said. “Should I... head out then?”

“Yeah, you’re done for today,” she replied. “I’ll need you here tomorrow to help me organize the medicines.”

“Got it,” you said simply. You headed towards the door, but stopped to look back at Denise. “Good luck, Denise.”

Your luck didn’t do much in the end.

 

“Denise is dead,” Daryl said. He and Rosita had just gotten back from their supply run with a bag full of medicine and Eugene trailing behind them, head down.

His words hit you like a brick. No more lessons. No more warm smiles. No more doctor to help people. You didn’t know enough to take her place.

“I- how?” You asked, voice shaking. Daryl sighed, and refused to make eye contact, instead opting for some distant spot behind you.

“The Saviors. They found Eugene. They- guy named Dwight- he shot Denise.” He said. He stood stiffly, uncomfortably. He knew how devastated you’d be.

Sure enough, you were. You felt a sinking feeling in your chest. The world felt like it was spinning. It took all of your energy to keep your breathing even. “I know Dwight. He’s one of Negan’s top guys.”

Daryl soaked this in for a moment, and finally managed to make eye contact with you. “Well then we better make a plan. And fast.”

 

No plan was made. You were expected to keep watch, make sure the gate was secure, make sure the weapon inventory was accurate. Alexandria was simply going into lockdown. Carl was upset because Carol had left, and all you could do was try to comfort him.

You didn’t sleep. You hardly ate. The world felt like it was just now ending. The confidence that you’d gained felt like nothing compared to the looming threat of the Saviors.

Glenn approached you in the morning as you were cleaning your pistol. “Morning,” he said. He took a seat across from you, looking tired and worn out.

You looked up from your work. “Morning... you got news?”

“Of a kind, yeah,” he said with a sigh. “I’m heading out today with Daryl, Michonne, and Rosita. It’s a...” He paused for a split second, but you thought nothing of it. “A supply mission.”

“Now? In all this?” You asked. “You sure it’s a good idea?”

He shook his head, and chuckled half-heartedly. “No. But I know I’ll come back in one piece. I just need you to keep Maggie company, tell her it’ll be okay.”

You nodded. That you could do. “Alright. Just be safe.”

“I will.” He gave you a soft smile, and tilted his head slightly to the left, one of his little quirks that you’d noticed. “Before I leave, I want you to know that... that we’re family now. I love you, Y/N. I know this is hard, but you have to stay strong. Keep going.”

You were a bit taken aback by this. Was it really just a supply run? You had your concerns, but you knew Glenn was capable. It was probably no reason to worry. “I love you too, but please. Promise me you’ll be safe.”

“I promise,” he said back. You both stood up, and you hugged him as tight as you could. He squeezed back, and pulled away all too soon. Before you knew it, he was gone, and you’d never see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done with the events of season 6! The chapters after next will not follow season 7 very strictly. A lot of crazy shit happens. Let me know if you’re enjoying it! And thank you for all the support!


	19. World

Later that day, Enid arrived at your house as you sat on your porch, reading a book. You weren’t needed for anything, and you couldn’t help but wait anxiously for Glenn to come back. 

“Hey, stranger,” Enid said as she approached. 

“Hey,” you said. You closed your book and looked up at her. She gave you her hand, and helped you get to your feet.

“Maggie said she wanted a haircut,” Enid said with a smile. “I used to cut my dad’s hair. I figured I could help.”

“I’d love to learn to cut hair,” you said enthusiastically. Anything to get your mind off of the situation with the Saviors was welcome. 

“I’m not the best teacher, but I can try,” Enid said. “Let me guess, trying to figure out how to make Carl cut his hair?”

You rolled your eyes, and opened the front door for her. You stepped inside, and closed the door behind you. “I’m not going to answer that.”

Enid laughed as Maggie came into the room, smiling. “Here to cut my hair?”

“Of course,” Enid said. “Get me some scissors?”

“Already have some on the counter,” Maggie said.

“Then just take a seat.” Enid took a chair from the dining room table, and motioned for Maggie to sit. She then grabbed the scissors, and began to cut.

It took only a few snips for Maggie’s long hair to fall to the floor. With every snip, it got shorter. Enid kept explaining what she was doing and giving you pointers, but it was hard to pay attention. Too much was on your mind. Still, you watched her cut until Maggie’s hair was so short it barely touched her neck.

When Enid finished, Maggie didn’t look in a mirror immediately. Instead she asked, “How do I look?”

You had to admit, you loved her look. It framed her face perfectly, made her eyes stand out. “I love it, it’s very you,” you said with a smile. 

Maggie stood up, smiling, but her smile quickly turned to a frown when Enid handed her a mirror. “Oh, did I do something wrong? I mean- I’ve only cut my dad’s hair-“

That wasn’t it. Maggie let out a cry of pain, and slid to the floor. You nearly jumped across the room to her. “Maggie? Maggie, are you alright?”

She just cried out again. “Enid, go get help,” you ordered. She just nodded and ran out the front door to go get assistance. Meanwhile, you sat with Maggie, rubbing her shoulder.

She cried out again, and you could feel the rapid beats of your heart thumping against your ribs. You gripped her hand tight, and prayed that the baby was okay. 

 

Enid ended up going to get Rick and Sasha, who lifted her up and brought her straight to the RV. At this point, she was shaking and sweating, still occasionally crying out in pain. 

“She needs a doctor,” you insisted as Rick and Sasha got Maggie into the RV. “You’re taking her to Hilltop, right? I’ll come with.”

Rick sighed and turned to face you. “I’d rather you stay here. I need you here.”

“Almost everyone is going! I should be going too. Maggie is my family,” you said insistently, crossing your arms.

Rick just shook his head, but you could see the worry in his eyes. He leaned in closer to you, and spoke quietly. “I need you here. If- if the Saviors find us, they can’t see you. You know how bad that could be, for all of us.”

Although you hated it, you knew he was right. You couldn’t afford that. Still, the thought of the Saviors finding them was almost too much to bear. “Okay,” you said quietly. Your voice almost cracked and gave out, but you still put on a brave face and left the RV. 

Carl stood outside, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Y/N, are you okay?”

You took a deep breath, and then nodded. “I am. Please, please make sure she’s okay.”

Carl wrapped you in a hug. “Of course I will,” he murmured. “Maggie is safe with us.”

“You stay safe too, Grimes.”

He pulled away from the hug, and planted a soft kiss on your forehead. “Of course. I’ll see you when I get back.”

You knew he’d be back. You didn’t know if Maggie would. She looked bad, sweaty and sick. What if it was a miscarriage? You knew that Maggie had been through a lot, and you’d hate to see her lose her child.

Still, you didn’t get back in the RV. You simply stood and watched as the RV left Alexandria, and prayed that Maggie would be alright, and that Carl would come back to you.

 

The sun had set over Alexandria, and nobody was back. No sign of the RV, no sign of anyone coming back. 

Meanwhile, you sat alone in your room listening to an old song on your Walkman. You remembered sharing the song with Carl not long ago, and felt that same anxiety you’d been feeling so often lately. 

You wished your parents were there. You wished that you didn’t feel so alone. Most of all, you wished for someone to give you clarity. It felt like too often you’d been left in the dark, with no idea what was happening. 

Once again, you played the waiting game.

 

That night, you didn’t sleep. In the morning, you were exhausted. Anxiety buzzed through your whole body, keeping you from falling asleep. You looked in the bathroom mirror, staring at the bags under your eyes. 

The house felt very empty with only you in it. You looked at the pictures of Maggie and Glenn that you’d put up on the wall, and the picture of Carl just above it. Everything felt wrong. Everything felt too bright, too unreal, like a dream you have when you’re only half-asleep.

For hours, you paced back and forth in the living room, doing anything you could to pass the time. You did all the laundry that Glenn had been meaning to do, cleaned up all the hair trimmings on the floor, and washed all the dishes that needed washing. Still, it didn’t pass all the time.

You read for a while, some books that were sitting on the bookshelf. You couldn’t focus. You were still waiting for the sound of an opening gate, the sound of the front door being opened, and Glenn’s voice saying, “I’m home!”

Finally, you got your wish. You heard Father Gabriel’s voice calling out, “They’re back! The group is back!” You jumped off of the couch where you were reading the book, and tugged on your boots. Frantically, you opened the front door and ran to the front gate.

The RV parked just as you got to it, and Rick came out of it first. Immediately, you noticed something was wrong.

His eyes were blank, lifeless. He stared at some unknown object. Blood streaked his cheek, sweat ran down his forehead. He had blood on his jeans, his coat. 

“Rick, what-“ You started to speak, but stopped abruptly when Rick walked right past you, not even glancing your direction. That’s when you came to the conclusion that someone was dead.

After him came Carl. He had a different look in his eyes, one that was angry and determined. 

“Carl,” you murmured. He stopped to look at you, and you could see the faint lines that tears had left on his face. His eyes softened when he saw you, and his lip made the slightest quiver.

“Maggie’s alive,” was the first thing that he said. “Sasha took her to Hilltop.” 

You knew that a lot was still wrong, but this bit of good news let you relax a little. “Thank God. And- and everyone else? What happened?”

He broke his eye contact with you, and pulled you into a tight hug. You saw Rosita get out of the RV, followed by Michonne. No Abraham. No Glenn or Daryl. Surely if they’d found Rosita and Michonne, Glenn and Daryl would be there, too. You tried to convince yourself that Glenn had gone to Hilltop with Maggie, but Carl said Sasha had taken her.

When he finally let go, he sniffed, and a tear slid down his cheek. You wiped it away with your thumb, and asked another question. “Did Glenn help Maggie get to Hilltop?”

Carl shook his head, and walked you back to your house in silence. You knew what had happened. With every step, you wanted to cry more and more. 

When you reached the house, you both sat down on the couch. You kicked off your boots, and curled up into a ball. Carl did the same right beside you. 

“The Saviors blocked every road,” he said solemnly. He stared at an art print on the wall, seemingly fixated on it. “Everywhere we went, more of them.”

Your worst fear was coming true. After all the peaceful nights, you never thought it would come this far. Yet you were wrong. Here he was, the boy that you loved, telling you that the Saviors were back. It felt like a nightmare.

“Finally, Eugene volunteered to drive the truck so that we could go on foot. It did nothing. The Saviors found Eugene and cornered us.” You looked at Carl, listened as his voice broke. Every once in a while, you saw Carl as something vulnerable, just a kid trapped at the end of the world. This was one of those times.

You reached a hand to him, and he took it. “Then- then they had Glenn there. Rosita and Michonne and Daryl, all of them. Negan, he came out. He had a bat.”

“Lucille,” you whispered.

He nodded. “Yeah, Lucille.” You squeezed your eyes shut. You knew what happened next. “He- he killed Abraham. Daryl got pissed off and hit him.”

“He killed Daryl,” you whispered. 

“No. He... God I know this is going to be hard for you to hear,” Carl said. His voice broke again, and you scooted closer to him.

“Glenn?” You asked, so quiet Carl almost didn’t hear.

“Yeah. He killed Glenn. He- he dragged my dad into the RV. I thought he was- I thought he was going to die.” Carl sniffed again, let out a choked sob, and then resumed the story. “He came back. Negan told him to cut my arm off. He was crying. Finally, Negan told him that we provide for him now.”

Your sadness turned quickly to hatred, and then back to sadness. Negan had been your father, once. The dad that you needed so badly. You remembered how he saved you, how he took you in. You remembered how you’d even gone so far as to miss him. You didn’t miss him anymore. 

You had never truly hated anyone, but now you had somebody to hate. Negan, smug-faced asshole that he was. 

“I hate him,” you said through gritted teeth. The tears almost fell from your eyes, but you refused to let them. Instead, you said, “I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,” again and again and again until the tears finally fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s going to be smut next chapter. Pretty mild stuff, but I’m warning you anyways.


	20. Journey

You knew what you had to do.

It was your last night in Alexandria. You knew because you were leaving the next day. Everything you had would be left behind. The pictures of Carl, Glenn, and Maggie had been tucked into the lining of your brown leather jacket. Nobody would find them unless you wanted them to. Everything was prepared. Now it was time for a show.

 

That night, Carl stayed at your house. You both were tired and scared. You hadn’t told him your plan yet, but you’d been subtly packing things all evening. You knew he’d catch on, and you knew he’d hate the plan. Still, you were doing it. You had to.

“What are you doing?” He asked as you tried to slip canned soup into your backpack without making any noise. You were just about to go to bed, but you still had to prepare.

“Making an emergency kit,” you said unconvincingly. Too many awkward pauses to be truly believable.

“Don’t you already have one?” He asked. You saw the concern in his features. “Are you leaving?”

With that, you’d been caught. “Fine,” you said. You crossed your arms. “I’m leaving. I’m- I can’t stay here. It’s too risky. If the Saviors find me, more people are going to be punished. I’m going to be punished.”

“Where will you go?” He questioned. “On your own?”

“I’m... going to the Sanctuary.”

Instantly, his whole face fell. “No, Y/N. Please no.” He took a step toward you, taking both of you hands in his. “Why? Why would you go there?”

“Negan doesn’t know I’ve plotted against him. If I go to Sanctuary, he might not trust me immediately, but I can get information to you. I can be a double agent,” you said. You just hoped you sounded more confident than you felt.

“It’s suicide,” Carl said. “You’ll just get yourself killed.”

“I have connections in the Saviors,” you responded. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Is there,” Carl paused, you could hear the desperation in his voice. “Any way I could get you to stay?”

You thought for a moment. “No. There isn’t. I ran away once. I can’t run again.”

“That wasn’t your fault. What happened here.”

“I could’ve said something,” you responded. You stepped closer to him, so close you felt his breath on your face. “It’s not my fault, but I still carry it. I have to do something.”

Carl knew he couldn’t talk you out of it. Although it pained him, he knew he had to let you go, let you fulfill this calling of yours. “Okay,” he whispered. “Please stay with me just one night.”

“I will,” you whispered back. You touched your lips to his, soaking it all in. Carl Grimes was yours, your boyfriend. The person you would die for. It felt almost wrong to be kissing him so soon after a tragedy, but you didn’t care. You needed him.

His body pressed against yours as you kissed. Both of his hands cupped your face, pulling you into his lips. All you could think about was wanting to be closer, so close that there was no distance between you.

“Can we go upstairs?” You said hesitantly. 

Carl was hesitant to respond. “Do you- are you saying what I think you are?”

“I want you,” you murmured. “All of you.”

Carl’s face grew red, and he nodded eagerly, so eager to please. You took his hand, and led him to your room.

Within seconds, his shirt was on the floor. You traced the lines of his ribs as you kissed him. Greedily, hungrily. This chance wouldn’t come again for a long time. You pulled off your shirt, unclasped your bra. He gawked for a moment, before attaching his lips to yours again.

You worked at the waistband of his jeans until he shook them off. You pawed at the bulge in his underwear, and listened to his moans. You took off your pants, and soon there was only one layer between you and him.

You took your underwear off. He took off his. You grabbed a condom from the nightstand in the other room. He fumbled with it, but got it on after a minute or two.

And then there was no space between you, all if it was filled with sweat and skin and pounding heartbeats. Neither of you had any clue what you were doing, but it still happened. Just the feeling of him, the knowledge that he was yours, that was enough. He grasped your hand as he came, and apologized that you didn’t. You didn’t care, it didn’t matter.

“It was... it was wonderful,” you said to him. His cheeks were red, parts of his hair stuck to his face. 

“I- I think so too,” he stammered. You just grinned at him, and brushed away a stray hair from his forehead. The bandage across his eye was dirty from several days of abuse. He noticed you examining it, and very slowly went to undo the bandage.

You didn’t say anything, just watched while he unwrapped it and brushed his bangs away. There it was, the place where his eye used to be.

“Gross, huh?” He asked. 

“No. It’s badass,” you said, smiling. It was, indeed, pretty badass. 

You felt a sharp pang of sadness knowing that this wasn’t going to last, and knowing that this was your last night before facing the thing you’d left behind for so long. Still, you slept well that night, laying on Carl’s bare chest as his arm rested around you, keeping you safe.

 

The next morning, you got up early. Carl was still asleep, something you were almost grateful for. You scribbled him a letter, telling him to let Rick know what you were doing. You also wrote a letter for Enid, praying that she’d understand. You knew she was grieving too, and this would be hard on her. 

When this was done, you gave Carl a soft kiss on the forehead. “Later, Grimes,” you whispered. A tear rolled down your cheek and splattered onto the bedsheets. You grabbed your backpack, pulled on your boots and your brown leather boots, grabbed your bow, arrows, holster and pistol, and then headed out the door.

It was the early hours of the morning. The sun was still in the process of rising, casting an orange glow over all of Alexandria. Birds chirped in the trees, a soft breeze blew through the streets. It was as if nothing bad had ever happened. You looked out at the sunrise over the buildings, and memorized every last detail. Who knew if you’d ever see it again?

You didn’t head out the gate, you didn’t want to attract attention to yourself. Instead, you climbed up the fence just like you and Enid used to do, and hopped down on the other side. 

You walked about twenty feet away before looking back. You could barely see the wall through all the trees, but it was there. After a few second thoughts, you shook your head, turned around, and kept on going.

 

You didn’t make it to Sanctuary that day. It was too long a trek to make in one long sprint, so you found a small abandoned house to stay in for the night. 

You broke in through a window, and took out your switchblade. You banged your arm against the windowsill, hoping that the noise wouldn’t attract anything. Sure enough, not a thing stirred inside the house except for you. The coast was clear.

You moved around bookshelves, cabinets, and furniture until you were satisfied. You wouldn’t be able to light anything, it would attract walkers. However, you could get a good night’s sleep without worrying about anything getting in.

As you laid down on a couch, you took the picture of Glenn out of the lining of your jacket, and ran a finger over it. How had he become like family so quickly? 

Family or not, you knew what you were fighting for.

 

The next day, you arrived at the gates of the Sanctuary.

It was afternoon, and you were sweating bullets. Still, you refused to take off your precious jacket. You stumbled along until you found it.

“Hands in the fucking air!” A voice shouted. You heard the click of a gun safety turning off, and you raised your hands. The source of the voice was a man standing just outside the gates. You had no idea who he was, but after he’d looked at you for a moment, he seemed to know your identity. “Y/N? You’re alive?”

“Yeah,” you yelled back. “Very much so.” You kept your hands in the air still, out of fear that he’d shoot you on the spot. Fortunately, he didn’t. Instead he grunted, and walked over to you.

“Hand over the weapons,” he said gruffly. You did as he asked, handing him the bow, the arrow quiver, and your gun. “Switchblade too,” he added. You gave it to him without any resistance. He urged you forward, and you entered the Sanctuary’s gates.

Outside were the walkers you remembered being attached to the fence. They groaned and reached for you as you walked by, gun pressed against your back. You were thankful to hear the click of the safety being put back on. It seemed this guy had no intention of shooting you, at least not right now.

He brought you into the building through a small, dark corridor. You remembered it well. There were cells down this hallway, ones that had held that boy Negan tried to make you kill.

Your blood ran cold. Enid used to be in one of those cells. The man pushed you into one, and shut the door.

You were left alone with your thoughts in the quiet for a while. You wondered if Daryl was in this hallway, if he heard you coming in. You wondered if he even knew it was you. You couldn’t be certain of anything, but you hoped he’d be able to hear you. Then again, this wasn’t the only place they kept prisoners. He could be somewhere completely different.

You thought about this as you sat there in the dark. The man hadn’t bothered to take your backpack, so you sat and ate crackers while you waited. You had a watch stored in your backpack too, and you checked the time every five minutes. Nothing.

Until suddenly, two hours after you’d arrived, you heard the cell door creak open.

And there he was, bat in hand, standing tall and straight as he smiled his cold smile. “Welcome back, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Negan is here Negan is here Negan is here Negan is here Negan is here Negan is he-


	21. Mission

He was just as you remembered him.

That day, he wore a white t-shirt, but still donned his signature grey jeans and black boots. Lucille rested against his shoulder as he walked into the room. You tried to keep yourself looking happy.

“Dad,” you said, smiling. “I’m back!” You got up, and he chuckled as you wrapped him in a hug. He set Lucille down by the door, resting her against the wall.

When he pulled away, you could see sadness in his eyes, something you hadn’t seen in him often before. “I thought- I thought you were dead,” he said. “All this time...”

For a moment, you wanted to cry too. Part of you had missed him deeply, been scared that he was gone forever. You knew he wasn’t a good man, but you’d killed people before. What made you any better? 

You stopped these thoughts from going much longer, and said, “I’m sorry, Dad. I don’t know what I was thinking, I-“

“It’s alright, Y/N. We’ve got all the time in the damn world,” he said with a smile, one that quickly turned into a frown. He had a faraway look in his eyes, the type of look you remembered from when he’d talk about the world before. “But please, please don’t run off on me again. I couldn’t take it.”

Those words hurt more than any wound you’d ever received. To hear that he missed you? That he cared so deeply? His voice shook as he said it, his honesty showed in his posture, the way he held his hands together like he was begging. You believed him. You really, truly did.

“I won’t,” you said back. “I promise.” You knew it was an empty one, but still, you made it. You had to make it. Part of you wished you could keep it.

“I love you lots, kid. I really do,” Negan said, “But you know the others won’t be so quick to trust you again.”

“I know. I’ll try my best to prove to them what side I’m on,” you said, determined. This was true. You had to show the Saviors that you were one of them, otherwise this whole plan could go terribly wrong, and fast.

Negan chuckled, and rested a hand on your shoulder. “I know you will, sweetheart. But first we have to get you settled in.”

You smiled and nodded in agreement, even though your stomach was churning. You’d seen him use that bat before, but the thought of him using it on Glenn was too much to bear. 

Negan led you past the other cells and down a hallway. You walked past a room where people were playing pool and blasting music, and past several supply closets. You then headed upstairs.

The familiarity of the place gave you chills. You could name every room, and who slept there. Surely, some of them had changed, but that didn’t change the eerie familiar feeling of it all. You could see your old bedroom way down at the end of the hall, near Negan’s room and the place where his wives slept. 

Sure enough, he led you all the way back to your old room. “And here we are, kid. Welcome back home.”

You didn’t feel at home, but you pretended. You opened the door, and gasped slightly when you saw the inside. It was just as you left it. Posters were on the walls, books sat on a shelf by your bed. You remembered all the happy times spent in this room, reading or doodling or listening to music. Now, it seemed bleak and dark compared to where you came from.

“It’s amazing,” you said, trying your best to sound enthusiastic. “Why did you leave it? You thought I was dead.”

“I know, I just couldn’t bear to get rid of your old stuff,” he said earnestly. “But hey! Now I don’t have to.”

“No, you don’t.” You took a step into the room, and couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. How was it even possible that you’d come back? It felt like a weird dream.

Negan smiled at your laughter, and stepped into the room after you. “Take your time getting settled in, darling. In the meantime, I’m making spaghetti. Head to my sitting room when you’re hungry, wives will be there too.” He paused, and then said excitedly, “It’s celebration time!”

You laughed, and flopped onto your old bed. “Sounds good to me,” you said into your pillow. With that, Negan left you alone.

Instead of getting settled in, however, you quietly made your way back down to the prison cells. You couldn’t attract any attention, so you hid every time anyone turned a corner. Slowly but surely, you made it to the cells. 

The first thing you noticed was the music blasting from a speaker outside the cells. You groaned at the noise, you remembered Negan torturing people with that song when you were part of the Saviors. You saw the speaker, and with one finger, jammed it so that the disc couldn’t keep spinning. The music stopped abruptly, and you rushed back up the stairs, and back to your room.

A few minutes later, you decided to stand out in the hallway to see if you could hear the music. Sure enough, nothing. You could hear swearing as someone tried to fix it, but it seemed that you jammed it good.

A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. If Daryl wasn’t dead (which you knew he wasn’t) he was in one of those cells. You knew he, of all people, would appreciate that. You just hoped that he wouldn’t do anything stupid while you tried to find a way to get him out.

You crept back to your room, and looked through your old wardrobe. All of your old clothes were still there, but one of them caught your eye.

It was a black leather jacket, one that looked like a smaller version of Negan’s. On the back of it, the word “Savior” was embroidered in red lettering. You remembered Negan bringing it back for you on a supply run, and one of the Saviors adding the embroidery for you. It held a lot of bad memories, but a couple of good ones, too. You remembered the days where the Saviors were better, where people were happy. 

You gently took the jacket off of it’s hanger and slipped it on. It still fit perfectly, and it was clean. A bonus. You decided that you’d keep it. Besides, it would reinforce the act.

After putting on the jacket, you headed over to Negan’s sitting room. Maybe you could get the wives on your side, you knew how much they hated him. Especially Sherry, she had more reason than any of the others.

You walked down the hallways, and you caught the eye of several of the Saviors. Many of them recognized you, but were too scared to say anything. At least, until you encountered Dwight. 

He was right outside of Negan’s sitting room, smoking a cigarette. You had heard what he’d done to Denise, but you knew you had to push that aside. You had to pretend you didn’t know. Either way, Dwight was one of the better Saviors, one of the ones that was at least half-decent.

“Y/N,” he said, pulling the cigarette away from his face. He dropped it, and crushed it under the toe of his boot. Something rubbed you the wrong way though. He was wearing Daryl’s vest, like it was his own. It made your blood boil, but you put on a sly smile.

“Dwight. It’s good to see you again.”

“Boss said you were back. Guess I didn’t believe it until I saw you,” he said with a chuckle. He looked nervous underneath your gaze. Then again, he always looked on edge.

“It’s good to be back,” you said with confidence. “There’s a lot of work to be done.”

“Always is,” Dwight said in agreement. He paused, and then said, “I shouldn’t keep you. Enjoy your dinner.”

“Thanks, Dwight,” you said with a smile. “See you around.”

You could feel his eyes on the back of your head as you continued into the sitting room. This actually gave you hope. Surely he remembered how you’d saved Enid. Maybe he was having second thoughts, too. Maybe you could recruit him somehow.

In the sitting room, dinner had been served. Negan had made everyone roast chicken, with mashed potatoes and vegetables. It smelled delicious, but you did feel a twinge of guilt. Food supplies in Alexandria were dwindling, and here you were about to eat a massive helping of food.

“Y/N! Come sit,” Negan said, smiling at you from the head of the table. The wives looked in a decent mood, all except for Sherry. She was sitting next to Negan, staring down at her plate. Amber gave you a nervous smile before looking away, and Tanya and Frankie clapped when you came in. 

You smiled at the sight. You’d been somewhat close with Tanya and Frankie, and it was good to see them again. You barely remembered Amber, though. She’d become a wife just before you left. 

You ended up sitting next to Tanya, who wrapped you in a half-hug, which you happily returned. You knew you couldn’t speak out against Negan directly, but you also knew that none of his wives liked him very much. This was something you could use as an advantage. 

Negan chuckled, and raised his glass of what looked like whiskey. “To Y/N,” he said cheerfully. 

“To Y/N,” the wives echoed. You made eye contact with Sherry, who looked... disappointed. You couldn’t explain why, but that’s what it seemed like to you. You just hoped that maybe you could find a way to work with her.

You piled food on your plate, and started eating. Tanya and Frankie shared jokes, Amber cracked a few smiles, and Sherry continued looking upset. Negan whispered something in her ear, and you could tell she was putting on a forced smile.

“So how was life out there?” Tanya asked, curious. “What happened to the girl you escaped with?”

Thankfully, you’d already come up with a lie. “She ditched me,” you said, without even a pause. “We ran into a horde, and she just left me to die. I managed to get away, but only barely.”

“Shit, kid. I’m sorry,” Negan said from the head of the table.

You shrugged. “I should’ve known. The Saviors took her in for a reason.”

Negan nodded solemnly, and Tanya looked sympathetic. “So you were on your own almost all of that time?”

You nodded. “I uh... it was hard. I had a lot of close calls. And then one day I realized that it was so fucking stupid of me to still be running.”

“I guess that’s what Dwight realized, too,” Negan said, looking over at Sherry. “You can’t run forever, nobody can.”

The table was silent. You wished you could go back home.

 

After dinner, each of the wives gave you a hug. When you got to Sherry, she whispered in your ear. “Tomorrow at 9:00. The stairwell. Please be there.”

You were shocked, but you smiled and nodded as she pulled away. You just hoped it was something good.

Negan gave you an especially long hug. “Thank God you’re back, Y/N. We’ve got lots of work to do.”

“I’m sure we do.” He pulled away, and told you goodnight. You immediately headed down to the cells. 

The music still wasn’t back on, and the hallway was eerily quiet. There were several cell doors, no way of knowing which one Daryl was behind. The other ones were most likely empty, but it was too risky to test. 

You remembered humming a tune when you’d go hunting with Daryl, so you hummed that same tune rather loudly while standing in the hallway. Sure enough, he recognized it.

“Hey,” a voice said from one of the cells. You recognized it, and sighed in relief. Daryl was still alive, and he remembered your tune. 

You walked over to the door, and leaned against it. “Daryl?”

“What the hell are you doing here, kid?” He asked in his gruff voice. “You okay?”

“I’m undercover. Trying to get information back to Rick and the group.” You were trying to be quiet, but it was hard. You were so thankful for even the tiniest bit of familiarity, it was hard to keep your excitement contained.

Unfortunately, you heard footsteps coming down the hallway. “I’ll get you out,” you said quickly.

You heard him say “Be careful,” as you turned and ran. You weren’t caught, instead, you managed to make it to your bed.

You couldn’t sleep. Instead, you spent your time thinking about what Sherry could want from you. Her wanting to help seemed too good to be true, plus there was no way she could know your secret.

One thing was for sure, and it was that this was not going to be an easy mission.


	22. Get Out

Sherry was waiting for you in the stairwell, just as she promised. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she leaned back against the concrete wall, a cigarette in her hand. 

“Hey,” you said, not quite sure how else to greet her. What could she want?

“Hey,” she replied. She took a long drag of her cigarette, and then puffed the smoke out into the humid air. “You’re probably wondering why the hell you’re here.” Her stance was confident, uncaring. Her eyes told a different story. They glanced at you, and then away, as if she couldn’t decide what she wanted to look at.

“Not gonna lie,” you said cautiously, “I am. Are you in trouble?”

She laughed, but it was dry and cold. “Aren’t I always?”

You approached her, and leaned against the wall next to her. “You don’t seem very in trouble.”

She sighed, dropped her cigarette, and stomped it out with her foot. “What really happened?”

You froze up. “I- what do you mean?”

“With that girl that you helped. What happened?”

“I told you all last night,” you said. You had to be cautious. She may be trying to help, but she also could be reporting this back to Negan. You didn’t think she would, but there was no knowing for sure.

“Okay.” She looked at you warily, she was clearly cautious about you just as you were cautious about her. “Nevermind.”

“Is that it?” You asked. 

“I guess I thought you were something that you’re not,” she said. 

Before you could say anything, she had turned away and headed down the stairs.

 

She left you wondering for the rest of the day what it was that she wanted. Maybe it was escape, but from the whispers you’d heard, it sounded like she’d managed that not long ago. It was a weird situation. Dwight and Sherry had left, and then they’d been welcomed back. You couldn’t comprehend why they’d come back in the first place, but you knew better than to ask.

You managed to avoid Negan for most of the day. Instead, you just wandered the Sanctuary, carrying a small notebook with you to try and draw some rough maps to bring back to Rick. It wouldn’t be much, but you knew Rick wouldn’t stay down forever, and he’d need maps if he ever wanted to attack Sanctuary. 

After drawing some rough maps, you decided to check on Daryl. However, when you arrived at the cells, he wasn’t there. Sherry was.

“Sherry? The hell is going on?” You asked, trying to keep your voice down.

“I-I tried to tell him not to leave,” she said breathlessly. You could tell she was genuinely upset about Daryl leaving, and you realized something all at once. It was a trap. Negan meant for this to happen. 

Without saying another word, you rushed towards the nearest entrance, only to find Daryl surrounded by Negan and his men. Daryl had been caught in Negan’s trap, and he was horribly outnumbered.

The sound of your frantic footsteps alerted Negan, who turned to look at you. He wore a bright smile. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. We got this asshole under control.”

You smirked, pretending to be pleased. Internally, you were panicking. Would he kill Daryl right now? Is that what he wanted? 

It didn’t seem to be that way. “You have three options,” Negan said, pacing around Daryl in a circle. Daryl refused to make eye contact, simply looking down at the ground. “Either you can be a walker on the fence line, which would be a damn shame if I do say so myself.” 

A few of the men chuckled with amusement, and you half-heartedly joined in. “Or,” Negan continued. “You work for points, which is a hell of a lot of work, and again, a damn waste.” He paused and smirked at Daryl, who still refused to look up at him. “A third option. You work with me. I can find a use for your skills. You could be one of my main people, one of the top dogs.”

Daryl still didn’t react, simply stood as still as a statue. You could barely breathe. Part of you was certain that Daryl would make a move, or certain that Negan would bash Daryl’s head in. 

Without warning, Negan swung Lucille within an inch of Daryl’s face. You flinched, and forced your feet to stay rooted to the ground. Daryl didn’t even move, didn’t even look up. You couldn’t help but be in awe. 

“Well shit,” Negan said reverently. “You don’t scare easy, do ya?” He let out a low chuckle, and took a few steps back. “Well, it was a nice talk. Boys, get Dixon here back in his cell. Y/N, come with me.”

The Saviors grabbed Daryl, and dragged him back into the building. You made eye contact with him as he was pulled along, and he just gave you the most subtle of nods. In his eyes, you saw relief. No fear, just relief. You couldn’t make sense of why, but you knew you couldn’t dwell on it for long.

Negan motioned you along. “So what do you think of our friend Dixon?”

You kept pace with him, shoulders back and head held high. You needed to look confident, like you weren’t scared. “I think he could be a good asset. He’s clearly very brave. He’s got some skill.”

“People are a resource,” Negan told you as you walked. You’d heard him say this before, no surprise he was saying it again. “Even Rick and his merry band of assholes are a resource.”

“I guess,” you said simply. “How do you think they’ll hold up?” You figured whatever his answer was, it could help you strategize.

“I think they’ll provide. Rick had some trouble getting in line, but in the end, I think he gets it. After all, I bashed the shit out of that Asian kid.” He chuckled, and you felt your blood boil. Glenn was dead, dead because of the man standing right next to you. The man you had to pretend to love. It all felt like one long nightmare.

“Well, at least he got the message,” you said, trying not to sound angry. Your temper was threatening to blow, but you kept it inside. Now was not the time.

“He sure as hell got the message. He’s got this kid, probably your age. He’s only got one eye on him, and Goddamn! The look he gave me! Kid’s a badass. Maybe with time he’ll be one of us. You two would be one hell of a team.”

It was a lucky thing that you arrived at the trucks when you did. You were mere seconds away from telling Negan off, despite how much trouble that could cause. “I’m sure. Why are we here?”

“Simon is about to roll in with stuff from Hilltop,” Negan responded. “I’m not worried about them, though. I’m concerned about our new friends in Alexandria.”

“It’ll be fine, Dad. You gave Rick a run for his money,” you joked. Just then, Simon pulled up in a truck, and gave Negan a thumbs up. Everything had gone alright.

“While you check in with Simon here, I’m going to head back inside,” you said, motioning to the Sanctuary doors. 

“Alright. Keep yourself busy, there’s always work to do.”

“That there is,” you mumbled, walking away. You entered Sanctuary, and saw the massive room full of workers. Some were cleaning guns, some were sorting ammunition. You wondered if Daryl was okay, if they’d treated him too harshly. Well, of course they were treating him harshly. You just hoped he was alive.

You also wanted to find Sherry. Asides from the weird conversation in the stairwell, she had been there near Daryl’s cell when he’d been caught trying to escape. She said she’d told him not to leave. Was she looking out for him? If so, why?

 

That day, you wandered the Sanctuary some more. You managed to find an inventory of all the guns, and tried to swallow your fear when the number was so high. Rick could never compete with that, especially not considering the Saviors would be going to take their guns any day now. The whole thing was too overwhelming to think about.

Thankfully, you ran into Sherry after getting yourself a quick breakfast. She wore a calm smile, acting as if everything was normal.

You had to take a chance. 

Before she could say a word, you glanced around the hallway. Empty. “Why were you hanging out near the cells?” You asked quickly. 

She said nothing. Her smile disappeared. “I- it was a walk.”

“Do you know him? Daryl?”

“We...” she paused, and crossed her arms. She was defeated. “Dwight and I. We met him in the woods. He helped us, so we spared his life.”

This time, it was your turn to be stunned into silence. “You... you met him in the woods? He helped?”

She nodded. “I was urging him to join the Saviors. He won’t, though. I know that now. I guess I thought- thought that you could convince him. Seems that you don’t want to.”

“Is that what the stairwell was about?”

She nodded solemnly, and then sighed. “I just feel guilty. About leaving him alone in the woods. Dwight and I, we abandoned him. We spared him, but we took his bike.”

You clenched and unclenched your fist. It was out of the need to survive, you couldn’t blame her for that. She wasn’t exactly survivor material. “So you were trying to tell him to cooperate?”

“Pretty much. He’d be a good asset.”

You shrugged. “Seems like it.”

There was a tense silence before Sherry simply gave you a nod, and left you standing alone in the hall.

 

Days went by in a blur. Daryl still refused to join the Saviors, so you’d sneak actual food to him when you could. They forced him to work the gates. You were always keeping an eye on him, making sure he was alright. Keeping him alive, so that when the opportunity came, you could get him out. Maybe Sherry, too. She was certainly hinting at you that morning. 

 

Then, the time came. Negan had been drinking with some of his top officers, one of which was taking watch. This was the only opportunity you figured you would have for a long time.

First of all, you had to get Sherry. You had to save her. You weren’t even sure why, you weren’t even sure you wanted to. Every time you looked at her, you saw her misery. She needed out. For her, dying out there would be better than staying at Sanctuary.

You walked through the halls as if everything was normal, and finally you reached Sherry’s room. She jumped up when she saw you, but you shushed her before she could say a word.

“I’m getting you out,” you whispered. “You and Daryl.” 

Her eyes widened, as she sat back down on the bed. “Are... are you serious?”

“Serious. But we have to go now. Get dressed.” 

She shook her head rapidly. “I- I’m Negan. I’m not going. I don’t- I wouldn’t want to go.”

You placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down. “It’s okay. I promise it’s not a trap. Daryl... he’s a friend. You are too.”

“I’m getting dressed.”

With that, you left the room. You waited outside, anxiously tapping your foot against the concrete. This had to work. You couldn’t let Daryl stay here any longer.

When she came out, she was wearing work boots, jeans, a T-shirt, and a jacket. Her hair was tied back. A backpack rested on her shoulders, something you didn’t know she had. When she saw you looking at it, she shrugged. “I’ve been planning this,” she said simply. 

“I figured.” You glanced up and down the hallway, and listened for footsteps. Nothing. “We’re going down to the cells, and then we’re out.”

“How are we doing this?” She asked. You could see her shaking slightly. “I mean- do we have a car?”

“Daryl’s bike,” you said quietly. “It’s in the courtyard.”

She gave a quick nod. “I’ll follow your lead.”

And with that, you led her down the hallways of Sanctuary and to the cell block. You’d brought Daryl some clothes, hopefully they’d fit him well enough.

You tapped his cell door with one fingernail, and you heard him shuffling. 

“Whoever the HELL-“

“SHHH,” you said. “It’s me. I’ve got Sherry. I’m getting you out.”

“Shit, Y/N, you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

A pause. “Okay. Got uh...”

“Clothes? Yeah.” You unlocked the door, and threw the clothes in. “Hurry. We don’t have much time.”

“On it.” You heard shuffling as he got dressed. Then, the door opened, and out he came. The clothes fit him pretty well, actually. “We goin’?” He asked gruffly. He glanced over at Sherry, who looked down in shame.

“I’m sorry- for what we did,” she murmured. “I really am.”

“Don’t matter now. Gotta keep movin’.” 

“Speaking of, follow me,” you said. You lead them down the hallway, and opened the door at the end. The fresh night air hit your face, and you sighed happily at the feeling. You did it. You’d gotten them both out. Daryl’s bike was right ahead.

Daryl rushed over the the bike, but hesitated once he reached it. He looked back at you, his eyes somber. “You comin’, kid?”

You shook your head, and saw Sherry out of the corner of your eye looking down at the ground. “I’m sorry,” is all she said. 

“You don’t have to be, neither of you,” you said. “I have a job to do. The two of you only have to run.”

Sherry walked over the bike, and looked back at you sadly. “I wish you could come.”

“Me too,” you said. “But we don’t have time. Don’t start the bike now, walk a ways. Then you can go. Get out of here.”

Daryl walked towards you, and sighed. “I just- I’m sorry. For- for Glenn, and-“

“Daryl.” You said simply. “Please go. Please. You have a job to do.”

He nodded, and gave you a small smile before him and Sherry took the bike off into the darkness.


	23. Back

“Fuck. Both of them?”

“Both.”

“Ah, shit.” 

It was a meeting of the leaders, and you were allowed to sit in. Simon has broken the news about Daryl and Sherry, and needless to say, Negan wasn’t happy. “Goddammit. Who the fuck let them out?”

You said nothing, only looked around the table at the stony faces of the various leaders. Dwight looked uncomfortable, staring down at the table with strands of blond hair covering his eyes. You almost pitied him. Almost. 

Dwight mumbled something, and caught Negan’s attention. Negan stared at him from his position at the head of the table. “What was that?” 

Dwight still mumbled, but it was audible this time. “The doctor. I saw him leaving late last night. He was headed towards the cells. I didn’t think nothin’ of it.”

Nobody at the table said a word, nobody even whispered. The only sound was Negan’s sigh as he leaned back in his chair. “The doctor, huh? Damn. Though he was smarter than that shit.” He looked at you, and shook his head. “You spend time with the wives, was Carson eyeing Sherry at some point? Starin’ at her tits or some vulgar shit like that?”

You panicked, but none of it showed on your face. You stayed stony and silent for a moment, contemplating. You could admit you did it, but what good would that do? You had to save Alexandria, and it wasn’t any good unless you lied.

“Yeah,” you said. “There was one incident. He was staring her down, and she seemed to be... enjoying it. I swear he made excuses for her to come see him a few times...” You trailed off, figuring it wouldn’t be smart to make up any more shit than you already had.

Dwight was staring at the table so hard you thought he might burn a hole right through it. You kept your eyes on Negan, not daring to look away. He was nodding solemnly. “So, folks, what do we do?”

Your eyes turned to Simon as he scoffed. “If this little bitch can get away with letting a prisoner out AND running away, surely we can let the doctor go on this one. Unless you don’t mind ironing them both.”

“Settle the hell down Simon,” Negan said with a chuckle. “Don’t get your panties in a twist. Y/N here is proving her worth.”

“Like hell she is. Bitch waltzes up to the fucking gate like she rules this place.”

“I’ll do it too,” you said, barely above a whisper. All eyes turned to you, as you stuck your chin up, looking defiant even in the dim light of the meeting room. “I’ll take the iron too. Anything to prove my loyalty.”

Negan chuckled, and looked over at Simon. “Look at this shit. She’s willing to do all that. Now that,” he said as he stood up, making his way to you. He stood behind your chair and placed both of his hands on your shoulders. He gave you a small squeeze of reassurance. “That is loyalty, Simon. Proving that she is willing to endure that much pain to be one of us? This little lady here has more balls than any of you!”

You smirked as he said that, looking over at Simon’s dismal expression. Serves him right. At the same time, you were silently panicking. The iron. Shit shit shit.

“Tell you what,” Negan said. “We kill Carson. Throw him into the fire. Make an example of that asshole while we can. And Y/N here,” he said, clapping you on the shoulder. “She gets a mark. A small S on the back of her hand, proving she is one of us. Painful. Proves loyalty.”

Now that you could deal with. A small mark would be painful, sure, but you could handle it. It would be okay. The fear slowly subsided, and you put on the most confident look you could muster. “That all right by you, Simon?”

He gave a small nod, before getting up and leaving the table. The meeting was adjourned.

That night, you dreamed of Carl’s blue eye looking at you in the moonlight. You dreamed of long nights spent awake in Alexandria. You dreamt of Enid, you dreamt of Daryl in his cell. You dreamt of the iron, and the smell of burning flesh.

 

The next day was dreary at best. Saviors had gone out to collect supplies, and you had been forced to stay at Sanctuary. The whole day kept you anxious, worried about the literal mark you’d carry with you when you left this place. How would that feel? You weren’t sure, and the thought of finding out didn’t exactly excite you.

You spent most of the day in your room, listening to music on your walkman and sketching in a small, worn notebook. You drew everything from houses to trees to animals. You didn’t care if they were good or not. It’s not like art skills would keep you alive.

At about noon, Negan knocked on your door. “Hey, sweetheart. Truck is here. Can I get a hand?”

You flopped off your bed, already prepared to leave. “You bet,” you said, opening the door. You gave him a wide smile, before stepping out into the hallway.

“Listen, Y/N. I know you’re scared about the whole hand thing. I mean, shit, I would be too.” He said, keeping his voice low so that nobody else could hear. 

You shrugged, keeping yourself calm. “It’s okay, you have it too. I’ll do what I have to if it proves my loyalty. It’s a small price to pay for what I did.”

He nodded solemnly, and ushered you down the stairs. The truck would be just outside, except...

Gunshots. You heard gunshots, and before you knew it, you and Negan were running out the door to find the source. 

And there he was.

Carl Grimes was standing in the back of one of the trucks, a gun pointed at several of Negan’s men. Two men were on the ground, dead. You could barely move. You could barely breathe. There was Carl Grimes, anger radiating off him in waves, staring down and snarling. “I don’t want any of you. I’m here for Negan. He killed my friends.”

Negan chuckled, which got his attention. Carl saw you, and you saw the surprise in his eyes for just a split second. His expression quickly changed back to anger. “No one else needs to die,” he said, determinedly.

Negan let out a whistle, and you felt a shiver run down your spine. “Damn,” Negan said excitedly. “Did you pick that gun because it looks cool?”

Carl glared daggers at Negan, not giving him any response. “Kid, I ain’t gonna lie, you scare the shit outta me.” 

Carl continued glaring at him, and you piped up. “You might wanna come down from that truck. Make things easy on yourself.” You were shaking as you said it, but Negan seemed to approve.

“Yeah, kid. Come on down! Let me give you the grand tour!” Negan seemed excited, too excited for comfort. You couldn’t lie; it was concerning at best. Carl just looked back and forth between you and Negan, before making the decision to get down from the truck and drop the gun.

“Good choice,” you said. You shot him a glare that Negan couldn’t see. How could he possibly be so stupid? How could he mess shit up this badly? You wanted to hug him and punch him at the same time.

“Damn,” Negan said with a sigh. “I am not gonna have time to screw any of my wives today. Well... maybe one.”

Negan led you both inside Sanctuary. Carl gave you a questioning glance behind Negan’s back, and you returned it with a glare. Inside, you were panicking. What if Negan decided to kill him? You hadn’t known Carl all that long, but you’d fight like hell to keep him alive if you had to. You loved him, but that didn’t change that fact that you were pissed.

“What are you gonna do to me?” Carl asked timidly. Negan whirled around, a disappointed look on his face.

“Do not shatter my image of you. You are a badass. You’re not scared of shit. Don’t be scared of me.” Negan smirked, and looked over at you. “Number two, you really want me to ruin the surprise? Screw you, kid. Screw you.”

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” you said, looking right at Carl. “You’re Grimes, right? Carl?”

“Yeah.” That was all he said. He had hurt in his eyes that you couldn’t help but notice. You weren’t sure if it was because he missed you, or because something had happened, or what it was. 

“I’m Y/N.”

“You two are adorable!” Negan said enthusiastically. “Two future serial killers. I mean, shit! You’d make one badass team, that’s for sure.”

He didn’t know the half of it.

Negan brought you and Carl to the balcony looking out over the whole ground level, where people were working, talking, and bartering for goods. “Check this out,” Negan said with a smirk. He whistled, and all the Saviors turned to look at him. The whole crowd got on their knees, and gazed up at him.

“The Saviors have gone out into the world and fought the dead and come back with some really cool stuff. Some of that stuff can be yours if you work hard and okay by the rules.” It was silent except for Negan. You could’ve heard a pin drop in that room. “Today, everyone gets free vegetables at dinner, no points needed.”

There was applause and thank you’s from the crowd, and Carl looked nothing but confused. “Pretty cool, huh?” You asked him. He nodded numbly.

“As you were!” Negan said. Everyone resumed their usual business, and Negan turned to face you and Carl. “Pretty damn cool. Follow me, kids. It’s field trip day!”

You followed him down the halls, and reached out to squeeze Carl’s hand really quickly as you walked. Negan didn’t notice, nor did he turn around. Carl squeezed back before letting go. His gaze met yours, and you gave him a small smile, and mouthed, “it’s okay.” You could tell he understood. 

“First stop, I need to talk to one of my wives,” Negan said. He opened the door, and you entered the parlor where the wives usually hung out. They all looked towards the door when you entered. “Ladies, don’t mind the kid.”

Nobody did. Negan leaned in close to Carl, and you could barely pick up what he was saying. “I know every woman where you’re from dresses like they do the books at an auto shop. You’re gonna want to look at their titties. It’s fine. I don’t mind, they won’t mind. Knock yourself out.”

You shuddered, but tried not to let it bother you too much. Negan walked away, and sat across from Amber. You and Carl were left in the corner of the room. He wasn’t paying attention to you too anymore. 

“I was so scared,” Carl whispered. “I didn’t know if you were alive.”

“I know,” you whispered back. “I can’t fucking believe you showed up here. Fucking idiot.”

“I couldn’t sit anymore.”

It was hard to argue with that. You could’ve died, too. It didn’t stop you one bit.

“Idiot or not,” you murmured. “I’m glad you’re alive. I’m glad... I’m glad I can talk to you again.”

Negan finished his conversation just then, and sauntered over to you two. Amber looked absolutely miserable, and you wished you could hug her or comfort her in some way. It would have to wait. 

“Turns out, that piece of shit Mark has been sleeping with Amber,” Negan said. “Kid, it’s your lucky day. Y/N here, she’s seen a lot of punishments. Now, you get to see how justice is served.” He wore a smirk, and seemed pleased with himself. 

Carl just nodded again, and looked over at you. “Adorable,” Negan said. “Two badass kids. Carl, you should join up, seriously. But first we have shit to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven’t been here a while BUT that’s because I was planning this stuff out and trying to make this story the best it can be. I know it’s canon-divergent. I know my writing here is pretty sloppy, however this is a story I want very badly to tell, and I hope you guys can bear with me.


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